


A Minor Situation

by Hinn_Raven



Category: Young Justice, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Assassin Children, Bat Family, Family, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Kaldur has a headache, M/M, Meet the Family, Mistaken for Cheating, Ninja Children, Shovel Talk, Young Justice Anonymous Meme, adorable children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:51:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 33,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gotham Academy is taken hostage and due to Batman being on League business, Young Justice is deployed. While infiltrating the Academy, the Team meets up with Artemis, Barbara Gordan, Dick Grayson...and Dick's younger siblings. But seriously; what could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning: In Which the Batchildren Plot, Wally Worries, and Initial Steps are Taken

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted and edited from the Young Justice Anonymous Meme.

  
Things were supposed to be simple. Really, they were. There was a plan, a _good_ plan, too.  
  
The Justice League was off in space for the week, leaving the Red Tornado and the Team behind to protect the Earth.  
   
And, since the universe has a twisted, cruel sense of humor, an entire school got taken hostage.   
   
And of course it had to be Artemis's school.  
   
Artemis quickly contacted Red Tornado, who sent out a message to all the other Team members. Kaldur, Superboy, Miss Martian, and Kid Flash all quickly took the zeta-tube over to Gotham to help with the crisis. Artemis had managed to smuggle out boys' uniforms during the period that she was waiting for them, so the Team quickly disguised themselves and started to blend in with the other students.  
  
Robin did not respond to his communicator. Although it was mildly worrying, it was not without precedence, so the Team decided to proceed with out him.

Dick Grayson, on the other hand, was currently hiding in an empty history classroom in Gotham Academy, just hoping that...  
  
"There you are!" A small, red haired boy dashed in, grinning. "Timmy and Cass are on their way."  
  
...That _that_ wouldn't happen.  
  
"Jason, you are _not_ supposed to be here," Dick snarled, glaring at his oldest younger brother.  
  
Jason snickered. "Yeah, like that's going to stop me. Or Timmy. Or Cass. Or Steph. Or even Damian."  
  
Dick paled at the thought of their four-year-old, assassin trained younger brother attempting to take on the armed gunmen. (And worse, probably suceeding).  
  
"Bruce is going to kill me," he grumbled.  
  
"Not if we get to little D first," offered Jason, smiling innocently.  
  
"Yes, we will sneak across campus, which we're _not supposed to do,_ on pain of being shot, locate a four year old in a mess of preschoolers, and somehow manage to keep him safe--or more importantly, everyone else around him safe?"  
  
"Wow, you really think it'll be that easy?" Jason said, eyes wide with false joy.  
  
"I dunno Jay. He left out a bunch of air-shafts," Timmy said, slipping through the door with Cass trailing behind him.  
  
"You guys _do_ remember that we are in civilian mode, right?" Dick said, burying his head in his hands. "That means _no_ air-shafts!"  
  
Cass walked over to him and patted his shoulder. "Dick cry not," she said, smiling at him. "Things go well."  
  
"Yeah, don't worry! The whole Bat _family_ is here! What's going to go wrong?" Jason said, throwing his arm around Tim and the other around Cass.  
  
"How about my _Team_ getting called in to help with the situation, and none of them knowing my identity?" he said, glaring at his red-haired brother. His siblings exchanged glances and snickered. "Wally doesn't count!"   
   
"Tt. What are _they_ going to do about this?" Damian said as he emerged into the room in Steph's arms. "We can handle this perfectly on our own."  
  
"Hey, where's Babs and Artemis?" Steph said, setting down Damian. "All of us normals have to stick together."  
  
"Babs isn't technically part of the Family, Steph," Tim said, looking at his sister skeptically. "And Artemis certainly isn't."  
  
"We need to change that. Then we're even. Guys and girls," Steph said.  
  
"We are _not_ adopting Artemis," said Dick, cradling his head in his hands once again. "And can we focus on the fact that we, as the children of Bruce Wayne, are probably being sought after as hostages?"  
  
The looks on their faces offered a great deal of pain to whichever poor fool tried to take them hostage.

* * *

 

Wally wasn't nervous. Nope. Not a bit. Not at all. It wasn't like one of his best friends, and two of his teammates, one of whom happened to be his boyfriend, were in incredible danger or anything. Nope. Not nervous. Or scared.  
   
Wally tugged at the ill-fitting blazer that Artemis had managed to get him, feeling very conspicuous in this snooty rich-kid outfit.   
   
"Wonder how Artemis and--Batgirl put up with this," he muttered, catching himself before he revealed that Robin went to Gotham Academy.  
  
 _Artemis? Where are you?_ M'gann called out telepathically. There wasn't a response. _She must be out of range. This school is huge, and if I don't project carefully, everyone in the school will hear, even the guards._  
  
 _How are we going to find her?_ Wally demanded, looking around. _We look suspicious as it is, and we have no clue where to find her!_  
  
They all ducked behind the trees in the courtyard as a bulky man with a mask and an AK-47 marched by.  
  
"We will find her," Kaldur whispered, looking fierce. "We must."

* * *

  
Artemis decided she didn't like her Spanish class even more. Class had been abandoned, with most of the kids texting their parents or sobbing desperately. A few smarter ones were trying to figure out a place where they could hide if the gunmen came in, but there were very few of them. The teacher wasn't much help either, desperately pacing back and forth, muttering to himself while ruining his shirt by sweating straight through it.  
  
Artemis resisted the urge to groan. It was pretty clear that no one had any idea what was going on. They were perfectly safe for now. It was when a guard got twitchy, or the ransom drop went wrong, or if someone saw the gunmen's faces that they were in trouble. As far as she could tell, they were just thugs after money.  
  
And so, they had no idea that they were holding two super-heroes captive.  
  
She exchanged a _look_ with Babs. Babs nodded once. She twisted her hand in a method that looked like she was having convulsions. Artemis shook her head. Faking a panic attack wouldn't help. They needed to get off the radar, not on it. The Team would be here soon.  
  
Artemis made another gesture by twisting her middle and ring finger together. Bathroom break.  
  
"Señor Dumont?" Barbara asked, allowing fear and timidity to take over her voice. "Señor, I really need to use the bathroom. May I go?"  
  
The man looked up, alarmed. "V-V-Very well... but take someone with you! It's not safe to go alone!" Babs flashed a smirk at Artemis and the two quickly left.  
  
The two made their way into the nearest girls bathroom, where Babs set to work removing the grate to the air-shaft.  
  
"Will it be big enough?" Artemis demanded, "I mean, most air-shafts aren't built for teenagers."  
  
"I hope so, because I can't think of any other way to get around undetected unless you're the boy wonder," Babs said. "Do you have your Swiss Army Knife?"  
  
Artemis searched her pockets and sighed. "No, I must have left it at home today."  
  
"Dammit," Babs muttered. "Help me here?" Artemis clambered on top of the sink and set out to join her friend in the task of removing the metal grate.  
  
"This is _not_ going to work!" Artemis hissed after a while. "Can you think of any other way?"  
  
"I can think of a few!" a small voice chirped from behind them. Artemis and Babs spun around, forgetting they were precariously perched on the sink, and fell to the ground. "Oops."  
  
"Jason!" Babs said, scrambling to her feet as she stared up at the little red-haired kid who was dangling from the ceiling tiles, a huge smirk on his face. "You are _so_ not supposed to be here!"  
  
"Geeze. You guys weren't even using the bathroom," the kid said. "Now are you coming or what?" He disappeared back into the ceiling tiles.  
  
"Who's that?" Artemis demanded, eyes wide.  
  
"Dick Grayson's little brother," Babs said, rolling her eyes. "Come on."


	2. Air Ducts and Children and Secret Passageways, Oh My!

Artemis hauled herself up to the ceiling tile, where she found a small, but surprisingly strong hand to help her up. Once she was up, she turned around to offer Babs a hand. As her friend clambered up, Artemis turned her attention to the kid.

Judging from his face, she guessed that he was around eleven or twelve years old. He was around Robin's height, maybe a little taller, with bright green mischievous eyes and a shock of copper-colored hair that would put Wally to shame.

"So where's Dick?" Babs said, looking at the boy.

"History classroom," the boy said in reply, starting to crawl away. "I volunteered to go find you two."

"And your siblings?" Babs said, pulling the ceiling tile back into place. "Where are they?"

"They're all there too," the kid said. "So are you coming or not?"

As the trio scrambled their way through the ceilings of the Gotham Academy, Artemis had a good look around. Somehow, she had not expected the ceiling of Gotham's city elite school to look like this. She expected a cramped place, with electrical wires and heating pipes everywhere, and a bunch of tiles that the enemy could push aside any time to spot them, not to mention that they should be making a ton of noise as they made progress.

Instead, their trek was completely silent, and instead of being cramped, there was enough room for a fully grown adult to stand up on their knees, and there were actually very few places where the tiles were moveable. Strange material surrounded them on all sides, (which Artemis suspected had something to do with the silence of their progress) and there was no sign of the electric or heating systems whatsoever. "What's with this place?" Artemis said.

"Dad worked with the architects and Batman to make this place," Jason said, turning just enough so that she could see his humongous grin. "It's supposed to be for Batman and Robin, but Dad got us the blueprints, just in case."

"Dad?" Artemis echoed.

"Bruce Wayne," Babs clarified.

Oh. Well that did make sense, since she, along with the rest of the world, was aware about Dick Grayson being Bruce Wayne's ward (or was it son now? She didn't really know...), and this kid was his brother. But she had never heard anything about Bruce Wayne having more than one kid, adopted or otherwise. And now Babs made it sound like there were lots of them? Artemis decided to figure it out later.

"But what's the point of this place?" Artemis said, raising an eyebrow.

"Getting around covertly mainly," the kid said. "The idea was that in the case of a hostage situation, Batman and Robin would be able to use these to operate. It's soundproof, and completely off the books. Not even the teachers know about it. Just Batman, Robin, and The Family."

"The Family?" Artemis repeated, wondering if she'd fallen through a portal into a bad Mafia movie at some point during the day.

Jason just grinned at her as he pushed aside a ceiling tile. "Yep. D'you wanna meet 'em?"

Artemis looked at Babs, who grinned and nodded. Artemis took a deep breath, steeling herself for whatever would be ahead. She leapt down from the ceiling, convinced that she would be ready for anything.

In hindsight, Artemis would know that there was nothing she could have done to be prepared for the situation that was the Wayne family.

* * *

The first one she noticed was Dick Grayson, who was sitting on a chair, arms full of a small, dark haired child who sported a scowl that looked suspiciously permanent.

There was also a short, blonde girl was sitting on the teacher's desk, cross-legged, texting on a fancy phone, all the while humming a pop song under her breath.

A boy who looked like he was a sixth grader sat at three desks that had been pushed together, in the process of disassembling an iPod Touch and one of the really fancy WayneTech laptops that Artemis saw a lot of her classmates lugging around on a regular basis.

A second, older, girl who reminded Artemis of Jade in a gut-wrenching way was sitting on the floor, taking apart scissors with a small screwdriver. For some reason, this made Artemis very nervous.

The older girl looked up, and waved at Artemis, causing all of the attention to shift to her. "Artemis!" Dick said, grinning. "Babs!" he added, as the girl in question dropped into sight. "I'm guessing Jason found you."

"You had doubts?" the redhead said, clambering down with much more grace than Artemis would expect from a seventh or eighth grader.

"Yes," the little kid in Dick's arms said flatly. Jason laughed, and ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Proved ya wrong then, didn't I Little D?" he said.

"Artemis, have you met my siblings?" Dick said with a smile that only appeared slightly strained. "This is Damian, the blonde's Steph, the other boy's Tim, and the one who's playing with dangerous weapons is Cass."

"Nice to meet you!" chirped the blonde, not looking up from her phone. "Oh, and Dick, Alfred says that we're not allowed to get killed, otherwise we're gonna be grounded."

"It's so nice to know he's concerned." Jason said, peering over Tim's shoulder.

"That's Alfred-speak for 'please be careful,' you know that Jay," Tim said. "And can I use your DS? Bruce was getting you a new one for your birthday anyway."

Jason grinned. "Pretty sure you've just ruined it for me, but sure." He pulled out a battered blue Nintendo device. "Is it one of the WayneTech ones that you've been raving about all week?"

"Yep," said Tim, starting to take apart Jason's DS.

"This is sweet," Artemis said, looking at Dick. "But can you help us? We've got four friends outside who we need to find.

"I can find 'em!" Jason and the blonde said at the same time. They then began a staring match.

Artemis felt a tug at her sleeve. "Can help," Cass said, looking at Artemis with huge eyes that made her resemble a large puppy. "Know tunnels."

"Tunnels?" Artemis exclaimed. "First the air-shafts, then the ceiling, and now tunnels? How many ways are there to get around this place? Don't they know it's a school, not a military facility?"

"Not really," said Dick with a grin. The other kids seemed to be exchanging looks, which made Artemis suspicious.

"You forgot the secret passages," Jason said lightly. "Entrance is in the Awards Room."

Artemis tried to decide whether or not he was joking as Cass left to go get the Team.


	3. Revelations, Relationships, and Batglares

Wally took a deep breath, trying to slow down his racing heart, which was pretty difficult thanks to the adrenaline currently racing through his system.  
  
 _Wally, are you alright?_ M'gann asked. _You feel scared._  
  
 _Just worried about Rob,_ Wally thought back, running a hand through his hair. _He didn't answer Artemis's call. What if something happened to him?_  
  
Kaldur placed a firm hand on Wally's shoulder. _Wally, calm down. It is possible, even likely, that Robin cannot answer, for fear of someone recognizing his identity. I am sure he will come to our aid when he can come without compromising his identity. But for now, you_ must _focus on the mission. You cannot allow your feelings for Robin to endanger the lives of civilians._  
  
Wally took another deep breath. _I won't._  
  
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Wally yelped out loud,earning him a Kaldur glare, (was Batman giving lessons now?), and spun around, ready for a fight.  
  
What he found instead was a petite Asian girl around Robin's age, looking up at him wide-eyed, and Wally felt sick to his stomach. _Shit. I used superspeed, didn't I?_  
  
 _Pretty much,_ Superboy said, looking at the girl. _Why didn't we notice her?_  
  
Kaldur looked at the girl. "Who are you? You should be inside, where it is more safe."  
  
The girl ignored him. "Kaldur?" she asked, pointing at him. Shocked, the Atlantean nodded. "Conner?" she turned her finger to Superboy. "Megan? Wally?" she pointed at each of them in turn, and they nodded.  
  
The girl smiled widely. "Follow." She walked away, towards the wall of Gotham Academy, which they had just scaled.  
  
"Why should we?" Conner demanded, crossing his arms. "How do you know our names?"  
  
The girl grinned at him, and pointed forwards. "Artemis. Babs. Send me."  


* * *

  
The tunnels were cold, damp, and filled with cobwebs. Add the stench of mildew and rot, and the tunnels gained a place on Wally's "Worst Ways of Sneaking Around" list.  
  
But, he had to admit that they were a great way to get around.  
  
"You never answered my question from earlier," Kaldur said to the girl. "What is your name?"  
  
She looked at him with a grin, dark eyes taking in his every movement. "Cass."  
  
"Do you know Artemis?" M'gann asked, leaning forward.  
  
She shook her head. "Dick does. But I like her."  
  
 _Dick?_ Wally was _really_ glad that M'gann had taken down the link. _Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, Dick has a sister named Cass. Shit, this is my boyfriend's sister..._  
  
"Who's Dick?" Conner asked.  
  
"Wally's boyfriend," the girl said cheerfully. "My brother."  
  
All eyes were leveled at him in accusatory glares. _Wally, are you cheating on Robin?_ M'gann asked.  
  
Wally groaned.

* * *

Artemis decided that the kids were pretty cool. Absolutely, completely insane, but cool.  
  
She'd figured out the insane part when she'd made the mistake of asking Tim what he was doing, which earned her a technobable lecture on computer science that would give Robin a headache. Jason had succeeded in stopping Tim by stealing the screwdriver, which prompted an epic three-minute battle over the small piece of plastic and metal.  
  
After all was said and done, Tim recovered his tool, although he'd spent the last thirty seconds of the fight trapped in a headlock, having his hair mussed up by Jason, before Jason relinquished his hold on his rambling younger brother and the screwdriver.  
  
"Found Boyfriend!" Cass announced, the Team following her, looking rather hilarious in the Gotham Academy uniforms she'd managed to get them before the guards had started establishing the rules.  
  
Artemis thought for less than a second that she saw a flash of dismay on Dick's face, but she _must_ have imagined it, because a humongous grin appeared on his face. "Wally!"  
  
Dick placed a reluctant Damian on the desk, and wrapped his arms tightly around Wally. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Artemis crossed her arms, and narrowed her eyes. "Boyfriend?" She asked Cass, using the dangerously soft voice that her mother loved to use when she'd stayed out too late crime-fighting.  
  
"Yeah, Dick and Wally have been dating for _ages_ now," Steph said, a scary grin on her face. "We've been trying to meet him, but Dick says we'd scare him off."  
  
"Got plans," Cass said with an innocent smile. "Good plans."  
  
Oh dear. Artemis almost felt sorry for Wally.  
  
Almost.  
  
"Hey Wall-man. Does Dick know about Rob?"  
  
Wally blanched, while Dick made a comically confused expression, and demanded to know who "Rob" was.  
  
"Wally's boyfriend," Conner said, with an accompanying glare that told Artemis just how lucky Wally was that Conner's heat vision hadn't shown up yet.  
  
Dick stumbled away from Wally, eyes wide with hurt. "Wally..." he looked at the Team, lower lip quivering. "Is this true?"  
  
Babs had a hand clasped over her mouth. M'gann looked like she was going to cry. Kaldur radiated disapproval. Wally had no support in this room, and he knew it.  
  
Wally looked down, and sighed. "Yes Dick. It's true."  
  
Artemis was the only one who noticed Jason and Tim doubling over behind the desk, shaking with what appeared to be silent laughter.  
  
It was then that Artemis noticed that Babs looked more amused than horrified.  
  
Artemis's eyes narrowed as she looked at the boys, and then at Babs. What was so funny about this situation?


	4. Adoption Plots

Once Jason had finally recovered his breath, he poked Timmy in the ribs several times, and then gestured for his younger brother to meet him in the corner while the teenagers had a serious discussion.

Tim crept forward, grabbing Cass and Steph as he went, while Jason grabbed Damian. Luckily, Damian had finally figured out that protesting about Jason holding him resulted in Cass tickling him, so he didn't complain.

Jason sat cross-legged on the floor, surveying his siblings. "Alright. Now that the Team's here, we need a plan."

"Plan?" Steph said, frowning. "I'm pretty sure that's their job."

"Not a plan about the hostage situation Steph!" Timmy said, grinning.

"A plan about Wally." Jason said, grinning his evil-ist grin.

"Good plans," Cass said, smiling serenely.

"But which ones should we use?" Steph said. "I mean, we came up with about a million!"

"Four hundred and sixty four, Steph. Don't exaggerate," Tim said, frowning.

Jason rolled his eyes. "How about we each pick one test, and just roll with it? If it's too organized, Dick will get suspicious."

The others exchanged looks, and nodded.

"What if we each pick the same one?" Tim wanted to know.

"Seeing as we've got so many, Tim, I don't think--" Jason started, before Cass cut him off.

"Quiet," she said, placing a finger to her lips. "Steph talk."

Sure enough, the younger sister was bouncing up and down eagerly. "What about Artemis?"

Tim and Jason exchanged wary looks. "What about her?" Jason said.

"Aren't we adopting her?" Steph asked, widening her eyes and sticking out her lower lip, forming one of the most adorable expressions that they had seen.

"But she's got a mom," Jason said, hardening his face and his heart against adorable younger sisters.

"So? Cass and I have dads, and Daymie has a mom," said Steph, clearly not getting it.

"Yeah, but Artemis..." Jason floundered, feeling like Dick. How could he explain this to them?

"Is an Arrow!" Tim said, clearly seeing that Jason couldn't think of what to say next. "And we're Bats! Or Birds."

"She's an adopted Arrow, too," Steph said. "And she'd be a good sister. I like her."

"Maybe she could be like Babs," Jason said, "Y'know, be a Bat, but not adopted..."

"No!" Steph said, frowning.

Damian piped up. "Why do we need more girls in the Family?"

Cass frowned at him, and poked him in the stomach. But it was Steph who said, "Because then we're almost even, and we can do Boys vs. Girls combat training." She then looked at Tim, somehow changing her expression again to being even more adorable, focused directly at him.

Tim looked at Jason. "She does seem pretty cool... and Dick says she's good in a fight..."

Jason buried his head in his hands. "Yes, okay, I admit it. But Bruce would have to approve, and her mom, and Alfred, and I don't think they're just going to let us adopt Artemis just because we want another girl, and Steph and Timmy like her..."

Cass spoke up. "Like her. Family."

Tim and Steph exchanged triumphant looks. Jason might bicker with Steph on a daily basis, he might tease Tim until both boys were blue in the face, but their red-haired brother had a huge soft spot for Cass.

Jason groaned, and relented. "But I guess it can't hurt to do preliminary research. We're going to have to have a really good argument if we want another sister. I'll scout her out. Maybe get her to help us test Wally."

Tim nodded, knowing better than too tease Jason about relenting. "Daymie, it's time for the Toddler Maneuver."


	5. Do You Really Want to Know?

Jason raised an eyebrow. "The Toddler Maneuver? Bit extreme, isn't it?"

Tim shook his head rapidly. "Right now, they're planning about what to do about all the gunmen. And when they do decide to do something, the first thing they're going to do is send us back to someplace safe."

A scowl appeared on Jason's face. The second-oldest brother hated being treated like a child--or a civilian. Then again, they all did, judging from the similar expressions that were appearing on Cass, Steph, and Damian's faces.

"Alright then. Let's get into position," Jason said.

* * *

"...and so, I believe that if we are careful, Conner and I will be able to disable the guards near the preschool, and then Megan will be able to start the evacuation for that area," Kaldur said, feeling a bit odd about having a civilian--Wally's other boyfriend at that--in their midst, but there would be no way to avoid it. They just could not use their powers or abilities. That should held deter suspicion.

Babs and the Team nodded, but Wally's other boyfriend frowned. "What about my siblings?"

"What about them?" Conner asked, frowning. "They can stay here, can't they?"

Dick shook his head rapidly. "No. They're going to be in serious danger. I mean, most people know that I'm Bruce's adopted son. And while Jason's adoption didn't get nearly as much media attention, people still know who he is. Cass was so good of staying out of the spotlight that most people don't know her, and most people just gave up keeping track of us after Tim, but these people would still know who we are."

"And the children of Bruce Wayne would be very useful hostages," Kaldur said softly, running his hands through his short hair. "Should we be concerned about your safety as well, Richard?"

The boy frowned. "It's Dick. And I can look after myself. It's them I'm--"

"NO" Damian shouted as everybody within the room jumped. "I am not a baby, Todd--"

Dick blanched. "Last names. He must be pissed."

"What about?" Artemis asked, swallowing a smile as the tiny Cass grabbed the toddler from his attempts to murder Jason and dangled his from one ankle.

"Put me down Cain!" shrieked Dick's youngest sibling, twisting and turning within her grip. "You can't--"

"Dick!" Tim yelled, avoiding Damian's swinging fists. "Help?"

Babs turned to Kaldur, eyes wide. "If the guards hear the noise, and find us here..."

"This will be taken as a sign of resistance," Kaldur finished.

Conner moved quickly after hearing that. He grabbed Damian, held the boy up so that he could look Damian in the eye, and adopted the voice he used on Wolf when his pet decided to play up. "Stop it. Now."

Much to the surprise (and relief) of everyone, Damian did.

"So what was that about?" Wally asked Dick, checking the door for incoming guards.

"Knowing them? No idea," Dick replied.

Kaldur frowned. "In light of these developments, perhaps it is best that your siblings accompany us on our attempts at sabotage. It is not ideal, but perhaps it is the best way to keep them out of trouble and to protect them."

"...not to mention, there are probably going to be guards here any second now," Babs said, standing behind Wally to check.

"And who knows?" Dick said, leaning back with a slight grin. "They might be able to help."

Megan looked curious. "They're just kids. How would they be able to help?"


	6. Artemis Realizes the Obvious

“So who’ll take each kid?” Artemis said, watching Dick and Wally. Something was off here, and Artemis was determined to find out what it was. Dick hadn’t seemed nearly hurt enough to discover that his boyfriend had been cheating on him. And Wally seemed more concerned about the fact that everyone on the Team, herself included, was glaring at him than the fact that he’d been caught cheating.  
An idea appeared in Artemis’s mind that was so completely ridiculous that she had to push it aside.  
  
But still, it made sense.  
  
She refocused as she heard Kaldur say, “Perhaps Conner should look after Damian, since it appears that he is able to keep him under control.”  
  
The other siblings, realizing that they were being discussed, crowded around the Team and their brother, exchanging looks amongst themselves that made Artemis suspect a conspiracy. She’d seen similar looks between Wally and Robin often enough to know the look of a plan in progress.  
  
Well, well, Artemis thought. They planned for this.  
  
Clearly, this was going to be much more interesting than she’d suspected.  
  
“Can I go with Wally?” Tim asked, bouncing up and down, looking up at his brother’s boyfriend with huge wide eyes. “Can I please Dick?”

  
“Sure thing, Timmy,” Dick said, ignoring Wally’s frantic head-shakes. Clearly, the boy didn’t want to be alone with a sibling of Dick’s. Artemis squinted as a very familiar smile lit up Tim’s face. It looked an awful lot like Robin’s.  
  
Artemis bit her lip. She needed more evidence.  
  
Steph walked up to M’gann, beaming up at the disguised Martian. “Can I go with you?”  
  
M’gann returned the smile. “I’d be delighted!” The little blonde reached up and grabbed M’gann’s hand.  
  
Cass tentatively walked up to Kaldur, and tugged on his sleeve, as if trying to communicate her thoughts without speaking. Kaldur knelt down beside her. “Do you want to come with me?”  
  
Cass nodded, an adorable smile lighting up her face. “Please.”  
  
“I would be honored, Cassandra.”  
  
The smile disappeared. “Cass.”  
  
“My apologies, Cass.” The smile returned.  
  
“I’ll stick with Jason, you take Dick?” Artemis said to Babs, ignoring Dick’s indignant look at being assigned a guard, like his siblings. “That is, if Jason doesn’t mind?” she turned to the red-head, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“That’s cool with me,” Jason said with a lopsided grin. “We’ll have a blast. You’re at the Elementary School, right? I’m great at sneaking around that place.”  
  
“I bet,” Artemis said, smiling.  
  
“Let’s head out,” Kaldur said, glancing towards the door, as if expecting it to be broken down any second. “M’gann, Conner and I will go with Damian, Cass and Steph to the Preschool, while Dick, Wally, Babs, and Artemis will escort Tim and Jason to the Elementary School.”  
  
Cass ran over to the place where she’d been disassembling scissors, scooping up the blades and tucking them into her pockets, while Tim grabbed his backpack and started stuffing his tech supplies into his backpack.

“Do you really need that stuff?” Wally asked, clearly anxious that he’d been assigned to watch a youngster.  
  
“Yes!” the kid said, looking shocked. “We’ll need this stuff! I can hack into the security feed with them, and then we can track the guard’s movements!”  
  
Wally blinked, and Artemis raised an eyebrow. She then did what she'd been taught to do when things didn't make sense; she listed the suspicious activity that she’d noticed in her mind.  
  
Evidence 1) Jason was unusually strong, and clearly good at sneaking around. This was excusable. Evidence 2) Wally, despite being a super devoted boyfriend to Robin, was apparently cheating on him with Dick. Very odd, but somewhat believable, due to his flirtatious nature. 3) The kids were very good at planning, and at enacting these plans without anyone noticing them. 4) Tim was very good at computers, a skill that she’d learned to associate with Robin and Batman, and had an eerily similar smile to Robin. 5) Cass seemed to be preparing weapons for a fight that she really shouldn’t be able to fight in. And yet somehow, Artemis would not be surprised if Cass could fight, and even win.  
  
All small things, but together they seemed to point her in one direction.  
  
Of course, it could all just be coincidental.  
  
Thing was, Artemis didn't believe in coincidences.  
  
“Hey Jason?” she said conversationally.  
  
“Yeah?” the boy said, looking up at her.  
  
“Do you have sunglasses? It’s pretty bright outside,” Artemis said.  
  
Jason gave her a look that seemed to indicate that he thought she was crazy, but after a second, understanding seemed to gleam in his eye. “Sure thing,” he said, suppressing a grin, opening his backpack. Artemis caught a glimpse of a pair of good, very dark sunglasses and what appeared to be a spray can before Jason removed the glasses and gave them to her.  
  
Meanwhile, the ceiling tile was being slid aside, and Kaldur, Conner, M’gann, Cass, Damian, and Steph disappeared into the ceiling, sliding the tile back after them. Wally scooped up Tim, checked the door, and then quickly left to go to the tunnels.  
  
Artemis looked at Dick, unfolding the glasses as subtly as she could. “You ready?”  
  
Dick nodded, a grin identical to Robin’s lighting up his face. “Oh yeah.”  
  
That was all she needed to see. Artemis suddenly launched forward, pressing the glasses onto Dick’s face, which caused him to yelp out in pain and surprise. She then took a step back, and smirked, recognizing the boy in front of her. “Hello _Robin_.”  
  
“Hey Artemis,” Robin said, taking off the glasses with a resigned sigh. “What gave it away?”  
  
“I know Wally,” Artemis said, smirking. “He wouldn’t cheat on you.” There was a pause. “And you are such a little troll. Poor Wally."  
  
Dick grinned sheepishly. “It couldn’t be helped. I have no intention of being grounded for life because I blew my ID to the entire team.”  
  
Jason smirked at his brother—they were almost at eye level, despite the age difference. “Bruce might ground you anyway, since she found out.”  
  
It might just be because Artemis was still in super-suspicious mode, but Artemis could have sworn that Jason had called Bruce Wayne—holy shit, Bruce Wayne was Batman—“Dad” earlier.  
  
Artemis didn’t like complications. But it seemed like she was stumbling into a lot of them.  
  
Great.


	7. The Goddamn Batman's Babies

Babs grinned. “Sorry to break up this _interesting_ conversation,” she gestured to the door. “But your boyfriend is waiting for us.” She dashed out the door, with Dick hot on her heels.  
  
Artemis glanced out the door, preparing to go herself. “You ready?” She asked Jason.  
  
“Always,” the kid said with a confident grin. “But hey, could you help me with something?”  
  
Artemis raised an eyebrow. “Depends…” she said cautiously.  


* * *

  
  
Kaldur looked at Cass and Steph solemnly as they crouched outside of the preschool building. “Once Conner has distracted the guards, you are to stay down until we tell you that it is safe, do you understand?”  
  
Cass tilted her head to one side, but nodded, while Steph simply smiled innocently. “Of course, Kaldur,” she said. “We’ll be good, won’t we Cass?”  
  
Cass nodded, smiling widely.  
  
Kaldur nodded at Conner, who scooped up Damian (who had refused to remain with his sisters in the bushes) and entered the tunnel that led into the building.  
  
The preschool building was very small. It consisted of two large rooms, two bathrooms, and a small room that appeared to serve as a teacher’s lounge of sorts. All of the kids and the three teachers were huddled in one of the rooms, the teachers trying to keep twenty-nine preschoolers under control.  
  
Despite Kaldur’s worries of there being a guard inside the preschool, the only guards were the four patrolling outside. They just needed to be distracted so that Kaldur and M’gann could take them out.  
  
Damian squirmed in Conner’s arms. “Put me down,” he hissed. Surprised, Conner complied.  
  
Moving into the midst of his fellow youngsters, Damian set to work. He bent over and whispered something into one little girl’s ear, causing her to burst out crying. He snatched one boy’s Flash action figure, shoved over a stack of blocks, kicked shins, and pulled hair.  
  
Conner covered his sensitive ears, wincing at the resulting shriek. He hadn’t spent much time around children, and the noise of twenty-nine wailing toddlers was far too much for the Boy of Steel.

  
Damian, satisfied with his work, promptly sat down and joined his classmates in making as much noise as possible. The teachers desperately tried to silence the thirty four and three year olds, but to no avail.  
  
Conner heard the guards coming, and he hoped that Kaldur and M’gann were ready to take out the guards now that they were distracted. He did _not_ want to find out what he would do if he saw someone fire on children.  


* * *

  
  
Kaldur slapped a hand over one of the guard’s mouths, preventing the criminal from crying out to alert his fellow guards. M’gann was doing to same thing to the second guard, but taking them out without powers was difficult. Kaldur cursed internally for allowing himself to forget that Artemis and Robin could only do this without powers because of years of practice and training.  
  
There was a faint woosh in the air, and the third guard dropped like a stone. A second noise followed, and the final criminal collapsed. This time however, Kaldur noticed the source of the noise—a small, round rock tossed through the air, hitting the guard in the temple exactly. He looked over to the bushes, where he had left Cass and Steph.  
  
Cass waved, a wide smile on her face as she held up another rock and gestured to him, as if asking for permission to knock the man who was struggling within Kaldur’s grip unconscious. Steph, next to her, gestured to M’gann.  
  
Kaldur, still very confused, nodded, and Steph and Cass, in perfect synchronization threw the small stone projectiles through the air, nailing both of the men in the temples. Kaldur relaxed slightly as the man he was holding slumped unconscious in his grip.  
  
Who _were_ these children?


	8. Toddlers and Plots

“So let me get this straight,” Artemis said, looking at the smiling red head. “You want me to—”

“Yep,” Jason confirmed, not even allowing her to finish her sentence.

“And this somehow will help you guys figure out if Wally is good enough for Rob—Dick?”

“Basically.”

“Is this one of those test thingies that Cass was telling me about?”

“Yep. We agreed to each test him individually,” Jason said, smirking.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “So what happens if Wally passes?”

“Then one of the others gets to test him next!” Jason said promptly.

“And if he fails?”

“He gets to face the fury of five kids raised by Batman.”

“Why does that sound so terrifying?” Artemis asked, grabbing Jason’s hand as she tugged him into the hallway.

“Um… because at least two of those kids were raised by the League of Shadows?” Jason asked, running to keep up with her longer legs.

Artemis blinked as she pulled him into the tunnels. “Wait, _what_?”

* * *

Recovering from his momentary shock over Steph and Cass’s peculiar aiming abilities, he rushed inside, seeing three distraught teachers attempting to calm down thirty toddlers. Conner waded into their midst, clearing noting that the danger had passed, glowering down at them. “Quiet,” he said, using the same voice he had used on Damian earlier.

It was as if Conner had gained the ability to soothe wild animals—or more amazingly, children—in the stead of flight. The children gazed up at him, with wide, almost adoring eyes.

Now that they were silent, Kaldur turned to the teachers. “I am sorry for this, but the guards outside are disabled. If you can accompany me, I shall take you to an evacuation point.”

Conner led the way, with twenty nine toddlers following him like a string of ducklings following their mother, and Damian in his arms once again. The teachers followed as well, making sure that none of their charges wandered off. Noting their sharp, careful eyes, Kaldur wondered how exactly Damian had made an escape in the first place.

M’gann pushed aside the bushes and rocks that concealed the exit that would lead to the street where the police and terrified parents had gathered. “Everyone, through here quickly!” She whispered, ushering the children down the small hole, making sure that Damian was among them. The teachers squeezed through after the children, and M’gann moved the rocks that blocked the entrance back into place.

That’s when Kaldur noticed that somehow, even though he had _seen_ Damian leave with the others, Damian was holding onto Conner’s pant leg, a scowl on his face as he looked up at Conner.

“Megan, please move the stones back,” Kaldur said, feeling the headache that always came when Robin and Kid Flash failed to listen to his plans coming on, “We must get Damian in the clear for his own safety—”

“No,” the little boy said, tightening his grip on Conner’s leg.

“I am sorry, but you must. Think of how worried your father will be—” Kaldur said, feeling ridiculous for trying to reason with a four year old.

The boy just scowled at him. “I’m _staying_. You can’t make me leave. I’ll scream if you do, and then _all_ the guards will come, and then they’ll shoot you full of bullet holes—”

Rubbing his temples, Kaldur turned to Cass and Steph, “Perhaps you to should go and join the other children then—”

“If Damian’s not going, _we’re_ not going!” Steph said flatly, crossing her arms and leveling a glare at him. “And anyways, we’re not kids!”

Cass nodded emphatically. “Want to help!”

Kaldur’s headache was definitely getting stronger.

* * *

 

“Aren’t you worried that your siblings will blow it?” Babs said, looking at Dick.

Dick shrugged in response. “Not really. I’ve never mentioned siblings to anyone but Wally, and so even if they show off a little, there’s no reason to connect five talented kids to Batman and Robin.”

“Artemis did,” Babs pointed out.

“Artemis also already _knew_ Dick Grayson,” he replied. “And I’ve been dropping hints for her for ages. It just took until now for her to pick up on them. In the mind of the rest of the Team though, I’m just this shallow rich kid who Wally’s been dating.”

“… You do know you just jinxed it there, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”


	9. The Seduction and Mocking of Wally West

Tim had the laptop precariously perched on his knees as Wally kept watch. The sixth grader’s fingers were a blur as he typed furiously, using Batfamily passcodes and hidden software systems in order to access the school’s elaborate security camera system.

“Okay, there are twelve guards in the elementary school,” Tim said, various angles of security footage flickering across the screen as he flipped through them rapidly. “And there are six of us.”

“Two for each then,” Wally said, smirking.

“Except that you can’t use your powers,” Jason said, peering in. “Hey Timmy, c’mon! Dick wants to have a look at the computer stuff. Hey Wally, can you distract Artemis for a bit?”

The _last_ thing Wally wanted to do at the moment was to be stuck distracting the blond archer, who would doubtlessly interrogate him about the “cheating on Robin with Dick” misunderstanding.

“Thanks Wally!” Jason said before he could respond otherwise. “I’ll go get her!” His fellow redhead disappeared, and Tim got to his feet, unplugging the laptop.

“Wait!” Wally called, dashing to the door, but as it turns out, Dick wasn’t the only member of his family that could do the ninja thing. Jason was nowhere in sight. Groaning, he looked at Tim. “Why does this stuff always happen to me?”

Tim shrugged.

Artemis appeared, being propelled by Jason, who was holding her hand and dragging her along. “So _why_ am I leaving you alone with Tim?”

“We’ll meet up with Dick and Babs, I promise!” Jason said. “Babs’ll text you when we get there!”

“She better,” Artemis threatened as the two adoptive Waynes disappeared into the hallway.

* * *

“What’s this about?” Tim asked, crouching in the ceiling with Jason, accessing the security footage.

“Artemis figured out who Dick is, so I asked her to help me test Wally,” Jason replied, shrugging.

“She _figured it out_?” Tim parroted, eyes wide. “We’re _dead!_ ”

“ _We’re_ not, Dick is. And plus, remember Steph’s adoption plot? Artemis would’ve found out soon enough.”

“So you made up your mind?” Tim said, looking eager. Steph had already won him over to the cause completely. “You’ll help?”

“Already said I would,” Jason muttered, looking at the security footage, scowling. “But yeah, I think she’d be a pretty good sister. Not as good as Cass or Steph,” he said loyally, “But pretty good.”

Tim hid a grin. “So which test did you pick?”

“Number seventy-three,” Jason said, glad for the change of subject.

“ _Seventy-three?_ ” Timmy repeated. “Are you _nuts_?”

“Only as much as the rest of our family,” Jason said, grinning. “What’s the matter? Seventy-three was _your_ idea.”

“I never thought you would _use_ it!”

“Should’ve thought of that _before_ you suggested it then!”

Suddenly, the brothers realized how loud they were being and shushed.

 

 

“It’s starting,” Jason said, leaning forward.

* * *

“So how long have you been dating Dick?” Artemis asked, crossing her arms.

Wally tried to stand up tall. “None of your business!”

“You’ve been dating _two_ of my friends for _months_ , and you say it’s none of my business?” Artemis said, glaring.

“… well it’s _not_!”

“Great comeback, Baywatch,” Artemis said, rolling her eyes. She leaned against the wall, looking at him.

There was a long pause. “That complicated?” she asked, voice surprisingly gentle.

“Yeah,” Wally said. “Very.”

Artemis smiled at him in a manner that if Wally didn’t know better, he’d call flirtatious. But he _did_ know better, so it must be something else. “So how long do you think Jason and Tim will take?” Artemis said, moving his face towards her, still smiling that weird smile.

“No idea,” Wally said, moving her hand away. “It probably will take a while though…”

“No problem then,” Artemis said, smiling in the way that was almost _definitely_ flirtatious, but that didn’t make sense, because she was _Artemis_ and he was _Wally_ , and he was _dating_ …

Artemis leaned in, and every single alarm went off in Wally’s head. He stumbled away, suddenly aware that Artemis had at one point pulled down her sweater, showing a _lot_ more cleavage than before. “What are you doing?” he yelped.

“Trying to kiss you,” Artemis said, an odd look on her face.

“I’m dating Robin!” Wally said, voice oddly high-pitched.

“ _And_ Dick,” Artemis replied, crossing her arms. “So what, you can cheat on Robin with Dick but not me?”

Wally sputtered, brain racing, attempting to come up with an excuse— _any_ excuse—that could get him out of this situation besides “Robin is Dick, and he’s been screwing with you since school started just because he can.” Oh yes, _that_ would go well. “It’s not like that!” he finally said, conscious of how bad that sounded.

Artemis advanced on him again, sticking out her arms and trapping him against the wall, unable to run away without knocking her down. “So what _is_ it like then?” She leaned forward, but didn’t make to kiss him this time.

“Umm…” he floundered, _very_ aware of the fact that her lips were an inch away from his.

Artemis suddenly smiled, letting her arms to fall to her sides as she leaned away. “Gottcha. Dick’s Robin, isn’t he?”

“What?” Wally’s voice broke. “How—”

Artemis laughed, pulling up her sweater. “Just thought I’d test the theory.”

“ _That’s_ what that was about?” Wally’s voice was both relieved and indignant, and the sound of it seemed to amuse Artemis to no end.

Artemis laughed. “I would _never_ do that to Robin.”

“So that whole…” he gestured oddly with his hands in a manner that apparently was supposed to detail the previous events, “Was to find out if Robin was Dick?”

“Yep,” Artemis said, turning away, an odd note in her voice that Wally couldn’t identify. “Oh look, here come the boys.”

“Did Babs text you?” Wally asked, oddly lightheaded.

“What?” Artemis asked.

“Y’know, text you that Jason and Tim found her and Dick.”

“Oh right,” Artemis said. “Yes, she did.”


	10. Frying Pans and Banter

“Twelve guards,” Dick said, looking at the group around him, wondering how exactly he’d ended up with three red-heads in a group. “If we pick them off one by one, we ought to be able to take care of them easily enough.”

“Stick together, or go out on our own?” Artemis said, eying Jason and Tim. “Are they trained? For combat, that is?”

“Yep!” Jason said, grinning widely.

“Well, that’s something,” Artemis said. “Dick?”

“They’re good,” Dick said, a weird look on his face. “But I think we should stick in pairs, just so we can watch each other’s backs.”

Artemis nodded in agreement. “C’mon kid,” she told Jason. “Let’s see what you can do.”

The two walked off, and Wally and Dick met eyes. “Be careful,” Wally told Dick softly, grabbing his hand. “Please.”

“You too,” Dick said. “Look out for Tim please.”

Wally nodded, wondering why exactly he was so afraid—it wasn’t like he’d never been with Robin in even more dangerous situations before.

Maybe, he thought as he kissed Dick briefly, it was because it had been Robin that was in danger and not Dick.

“Watch him for me?” he muttered to Babs softly, blissfully unaware that Dick was asking the same of Tim.

“Sure,” Babs said grinning as she rolled up her sleeves, revealing twin batarangs concealed there. “I’ll look after him. Now go.”

Batman’s two partners looked at each other as Wally and Tim raced away to claim their four guards. “So when _are_ Jason and Cass going out in the field?”

Dick shrugged. “I have no idea,” he said honestly. “They’re _ready_ , but Bruce doesn’t seem to think so I guess.”

“You were out early,” Babs said, pushing her hair out of her face. “Maybe he wants them to be more prepared when they do it?”

Dick frowned. “I’m not sure. I think he’s worried about them.”

Babs raised an eyebrow before pausing. “We should really have this discussion later.”

“Agreed,” Dick said, checking around the corner again. “Hey, we’ve got incoming!”

Babs smiled widely, handing Dick his backpack. “I’m _so_ glad Mr. Miller gave us extra homework, aren’t you?”

A guard walked down the hallway, prepared for just about anything—except three tons of Chemistry and Pre-Calc homework, which what was promptly smacked in his face, courtesy of two high school freshmen and their backpacks.

“Out cold,” Dick reported, checking the guard’s pulse.

Babs pulled open one of the empty lockers. “Put him in here. I’ll stash the gun in the roof.”

Dick nodded in agreement, hauling the heavy man up and attempting to stuff the mook into the locker, feeling a bit like a stereotypical bully as he did so.

* * *

  
In the end, they had to remove the shelves to be able to fit the guard in the locker, and then they had to hide the shelves in _another_ locker. Grabbing their backpacks, the duo set off to find their next victim.

“I _hate_ having to improvise weapons,” Artemis grumbled, opening a cupboard in the cafeteria, searching for a pan or something. Locating a cast iron pan, she tested its weight, trying to decide if she could deliver a suitable concussion with it. “Think this will work?”

“Should do fine,” Jason said cheerfully, looking up from his own search. “Y’know…” he mused, “If we were at Gotham North, we’d be able to use the _food_ to attack the guards.”

Artemis laughed, remembering years of school lunches at that place. “To bad we’re here then,” she said, watching as Jason went with a rolling pin for his weapon.

“Ah, the price we pay for education,” Jason said, attempting to sound worldly, and failing hilariously.

Artemis laughed. “You know, the security here sucks. I can’t believe we’re managing to have a conversation while there are armed guards patrolling the hallway.”

Jason shrugged. “They probably figured that everyone would be too scared to do anything.” He smirked widely. “After all, we’re all spoon-fed trust fund babies who’ve _never_ been held hostage before.”

Artemis snorted. “Hasn’t the media nicknamed Dick the Boy Hostage?”

Jason laughed. “Haven’t heard that one,” he said, peeking over the counter. “Oh look! Company!”

“Why do I feel like I should make a food pun?” Artemis griped, clutching her frying pan.

“Because witty banter is a part of the job?” Jason whispered, going low on the floor. “I’ll distract him, you sneak around back?”

Artemis nodded, and Jason disappeared for a moment, reappearing with a small stack of lunch trays and plates. “Let’s go,” he said with an evil grin, throwing a china plate at the incoming guard.

The guard let out a surprised cry as the cheap porcelain shattered at his feet, and raised his gun, firing off bullets at an alarming rate. Artemis threw a look at Jason, who was lying flat on the ground, well out of the way of the guard’s typically bad aim, and then crawled to the open door that separated the kitchens from the cafeteria, planning on sneaking behind the guard so that she could strike.

Jason, determined to help, threw more plates with the same remarkable precision that Robin had, keeping the guard convinced that his sole attacker was still within the kitchen.

Artemis felt incredibly ridiculous as she crawled along the floor, still clutching the frying pan. The guard started swearing violently as his clip ran out, reaching into his belt for another one, and Artemis seized her chance, leaping to her feet and swinging the cast iron cooking implement with a might _clang_. The man crumpled to the floor, and Artemis felt oddly satisfied.

Jason’s head popped up from behind the counter, and then the boy launched himself over said counter, landing lightly on his feet and running over towards Artemis. “Nice one!”

Artemis laughed and ruffled Jason’s hair. “Not bad yourself, kid. Good aim there.” She put down her frying pan, and grabbed the guard, who was quite heavy thanks to layers of Kevlar.

Without being asked, Jason grabbed the guard’s other arm and started to help her move the unconscious man into the kitchen. “Are we hiding him in the freezer?” asked Jason, looking at her.

“Sounds good,” she said, “He shouldn’t be out for too long, he’ll be fine.”

Jason nodded, and pulled the heavy latch, allowing the freezer to swing open. Artemis shoved the guard forward, sending the unconscious man sprawling on the cold cement floor, and then closed the door afterwards, locking the latch in place.

 

“That should hold him,” she said, grinning down at Jason. “Come on kid. We’ve got another one left.”


	11. The Cupacake Incident, and Other Chaos

“So who’s your dad?” Steph asked Conner, smiling as she looked at him. “You look like a friend of Bruce’s—”

“I don’t have a dad,” Conner said shortly, looking straight ahead, and thus missing the incredulous look that went from Cass to Steph to Damian.

“You _don’t_?” Steph said. “Do you know Clark then? Clark Kent?”

M’gann looked up at the last name, but didn’t react. Kaldur raised an eyebrow as well, but kept pace with Cass.

“Don’t know him,” Conner said, clearly not liking the subject. Cass’s face looked furious for a second, but it was gone the very next moment, so Kaldur decided he must have imagined it.

Steph pulled out her phone for a second. “Dick and Babs took out two guards, Jason and Artemis got another… Wally hasn’t said anything yet though.”

She started typing rapidly, glaring at the screen as if it were her greatest enemy. 

* * *

 

As Dick and Babs shoved their second guard into a locker, Dick’s phone went off. Flipping it open, Dick blanched.

“What is it?” Babs asked, slamming the locker shut with a satisfied smirk and spinning the lock dial. 

Dick simply held out his phone at her.

_SUPERBOY DOESN’T KNOW CLARK??? DICK, IS THERE SOMETHING YOU HAVEN’T TOLD US?_

_-Steph_

“She sent this to all of your siblings?” Babs said, looking amused.

“All of them,” Dick confirmed. “Bad enough that they want to adopt Artemis—”

“They _do_?” Babs interrupted, looking like she was about to burst into laughter. 

“Steph wants another sister,” Dick said, rubbing his temples. “Now that they know about Conner, they’ll probably want to adopt _him_ as well. Bruce is going to _murder_ me.”

“I was under the impression you were already a dead man walking, since Artemis figured out your Secret ID,” Babs said, smirking.

Dick shot a glare at her. “Not funny.”

“I beg to differ,” Babs said, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “Let’s go find your boyfriend.”

* * *

 

“Hey Artemis,” Jason said, looking up from his phone. “Does Superman ever talk to Superboy?”

Artemis shook her head ruefully. “No. We’re hoping he’ll come around soon…”

Jason frowned, and typed something quickly. “Are you guys planning how to get Superman to talk to Superboy?”

“Maybe,” Jason said, grinning lopsidedly.

Artemis shook her head again, smiling. “Why do I feel like I should shoot a warning arrow in Metropolis’ general direction?”

Jason just grinned.

“Come on kid,” she said, hefting her frying pan. “Let’s go serve these thugs some ass kicking.”

“Is that meant to be your food pun?” Jason asked. “Because that’s horrible.”

“I know,” she sighed. “But it was all I could think of.”

“How about, ‘We’re having a smash?’” Jason suggested.

“How exactly is that better?” Artemis demanded, looking at the red head.

“What do you mean?” Jason said innocently. “People are _rolling_ in the aisles!” he brandished his rolling pin with a grin.

Artemis groaned. “That’s just terrible.”

“Bad puns are just part of the job,” Jason said, nodding. His phone went off again, and he checked it. The twelve year old looked up, eyes wide. “Your real name is also your hero name?”

Artemis blinked. “Yes. Why are you and your siblings discussing this?”

Jason ignored the question. “That’s crazy! How has nobody noticed it?”

“By staying out of the spotlight,” Artemis said, crossing her arms as well as she could while holding her frying pan.

“Yeah, that works for _now_ ,” Jason said, “But what about when you go public?”

Artemis snorted. “I don’t think that _that’s_ going to happen any time soon.”

“You never know,” Jason defended. “And plus, if you _think_ it’s never going to happen, it will happen.”

Artemis shook her head, grinning. “Are _all_ of the Batkids crazy prepared, or is it just the ones I meet?”

“It rubs off after a while,” Jason said. “But seriously, you should think about it.”

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “Have your siblings been suggesting names?”

 Jason checked his phone. “Steph likes ‘Arrowette,’ Tim thinks ‘Huntress,’ and Dick’s been begging us to drop it.”

Artemis laughed, shaking her head. “You Batkids are so weird.”

Jason grinned. “That’s what Dad says.”

Artemis frowned. “There you go again,” she noted.

Jason looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“When you were with Dick, he was ‘Bruce.’ But the rest of the time…” Artemis trailed off, raising an eyebrow at the kid.

Jason looked down.

“Why don’t you call him Dad in front of Dick and the others?” Artemis asked quietly.

Jason looked away from her.  


	12. In Which Meaningful Conversations are Had, and Wally Starts to Worry

“Okay,” Wally said, looking at Tim. “How do you want to do this?”

“We’ve got a few options,” Tim said, rooting through his backpack. “You could use superspeed, which could potentially blow your cover, we could throw books at them, like Dick and Babs are doing, or…” he pulled out smoke pellets. “There are these.”

“Smoke pellets?” Wally asked, “So it’s not just Dick who’s ready for anything?”

“Of course not,” Tim said, smirking. “Wouldn’t do us much good if only one of us was super paranoid.”

Wally didn’t know what to say to that. “Come on Tim,” he settled on. “Let’s go find some bad guys!”

* * *

 

 Jason bit his lip, and didn’t answer. Artemis wanted to groan in frustration. She wasn’t good at the comforting thing. But Jason looked like he needed it…

Cursing the bad luck of both of them, and wishing she had more experience with this, she put a hand on Jason’s shoulder, and smiled as well as she could. “Come on Jason,” she said quietly. “You can tell me.”

Jason muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “None of the others do.”

Artemis wanted to laugh. She settled for a snort. “Seriously? That’s why?”

Jason looked up, surprised by her reaction. “Well they don’t,” he defended himself, crossing his arms, gone from vulnerable to shielded in a heartbeat.

“Well, why don’t they?” Artemis asked, crossing her arms right back at him.

Jason bit his lip, backing down. “They just… don’t.”

Artemis raised her eyebrow, grabbed the boy’s shoulder, and sat him down firmly on the ground. “Talk. It helps. I’m told.” She sat down next to him, putting her arm around Jason, both for comfort and to make sure he didn’t make a getaway—she wasn’t sure how much of a ninja this kid was, but she was taking no chances.

Jason looked at her. “You’re not letting me get out of this, are you?”

“Nope. And if you don’t cooperate, I’ll have your siblings hold an intervention.” Fear sparked in Jason’s eyes, and Artemis grinned widely. “They’d help, wouldn’t they?”

“Enthusiastically,” he muttered, lip jutting out in an adorable pout. Artemis laughed again, squeezing Jason closer to her.

“C’mon kid,” she said. “I don’t know how much Bats told you about _my_ daddy issues…”

“He didn’t tell us,” Jason said, shaking his head. “Said you were entitled to a secret identity. So Dick hacked your files and told the rest of us about Sportsmaster.”

 “Troll,” Artemis said, affection and promises of retribution obvious in her voice.

Jason grinned at her, clearly hoping she would drop the subject of his own father issues.

“Not a chance, kid,” Artemis informed him. “But as I was saying, your issues _can’t_ be worse than mine. You’ve got Bruce freaking Wayne as a parent, and Batman isn’t as horrible with kids as he likes people to think.”

“Well…” Jason trailed off. “Dick had _his_ parents, y’know, so he _has_ a dad. Timmy did too, even if Drake was a shitty parent. Steph and Cass’s dads were super-villains—”

“Wait, they were?” Artemis said, distracted. “Who and who?”

“Cluemaster and David Cain,” Jason rattled off before resuming his rant, “—but they still _had_ dads. Damian’s _actually_ Dad’s kid, so that’s different. But my old man took off on Mom and me—”

“Mom and _I_ ,” Artemis corrected automatically.

Jason made a face at her. “Mom and _I_ years before Mom even got addicted, let alone before I was on the streets and was stupid enough to think that I could get the tires off the Batmobile—”

“You got the tires of the Batmobile?” Artemis said, shaking with laughter. Oh god, these kids…

“Three,” Jason said proudly. “Dad and Dick got back when I was loosening the hubcap of the last one. But anyways.” He paused again. “I never knew my old man really well, and the rest of them, well…”

“Daddy issues,” Artemis supplied.

“Serious ones,” Jason agreed.

Artemis paused, sorting through Jason’s splurge of backstory. “So let me get this straight. You’re probably the member of your family with the _least_ amount of father issues, and because of that, you think of Bruce as your dad, but you won’t call him that because all of your siblings are knee deep in daddy problems?”

Jason stared at her, wide eyed. “Um…”

Artemis smiled at Jason. “Reason—bogus,” she declared. “Seriously kid, if I had a dad like yours I’d be glad. Don’t be afraid to call him that. Clear up your issues _now_ , before they get super complicated and end up screwing up your life.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “You just simplified my issues in a few sentences.”

“I’m good at that. Now come on, I’ve got an urge to hit something with this frying pan.”

“Okay, _Rapunzel_ ,” Jason said, getting to his feet with a grin.

“ _Rapunzel_?” Artemis said, looking at him.

“Y’know, that Disney movie?”

Artemis bit her lip, unwilling to admit that she hadn’t seen a Disney movie since she was eight, when Jade had brought home Alice in Wonderland.

“Wow,” Jason said, shaking his head. “I’m going to tell Steph. You will _drown_ in Disney movies by the time she’s done with you.”

“Should I be afraid?”

Jason did his best scary voice, which would be surprisingly good, if Artemis hadn’t known that he’d been living in the same house as Batman for several years now. “Yes. You should be _very_ afraid.”

* * *

 

“Done,” Tim said, dusting off his hands. “And since Jason just texted me saying that he and Artemis got theirs…”

“We can start evacuations,” Wally finished, grinning, relieved. “Great job Tim!” he ruffled the boy’s hair. “We make a great team, don’t we?”

Tim smiled widely. “I think so too.”

Something about that smile made Wally want to run for cover.


	13. Cupcakes and Tiaras

Evacuating the elementary school was a _lot_ harder than evacuating the pre-school. There weren’t only thirty kids, for starters. And kindergarteners through sixth graders, while still adorable, had more questions.

Such as—

“But what about the guards?” Tina, a girl with pony tails and a “Hello Kitty!” t-shirt asked Tim. “Jordan said that if we didn’t do what they said, they’d blow our brains out.”

“Jordan’s stupid,” Tim reassured her. “The guards are gone!”

“Where’d they go?” Thomas asked, eyes wide. “Was it Batman? Did you see him?”

“Who else would it be?” Tim replied, grinning. “Batman and Robin are the _coolest_.”

“Batgirl’s cooler,” Tina said, crossing her arms.

“No way!” Jordan said, eyes wide. “Captain Marvel is _sooo_ the coolest!”

“Captain Marvel’s stupid,” Thomas said with a groan. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a _Green Lantern_.”

“Umm… guys?” Wally asked, voice slightly panicky. “Can you settle the greatest super hero of all time argument when you guys are outside?”

The sixth graders exchanged looks, and nodded.

“Besides,” Wally couldn’t help but say as he guided them to the secret exit for the grounds. “The Flash is _way_ cooler than Captain Marvel.”

* * *

 

“I finished evacuating the kindergarteners,” Artemis told Babs, lips drawn into a tight line. “And I swear, if I hear, _‘But I need to go potty,’_ one more time today, I will stick my arrow—”

“ _Ahem_ ,” Wally said, gesturing to Tim, whose innocent expression, _had_ to be faked. No one could grow up in a house with Robin and be able to be that honestly innocent.

“Sixth graders?” Babs asked Wally.

“Got most of them out,” Wally responded wearily. “We’ve just got one more class to go. You and Dick had the third graders, right?”

“We finished,” Babs said, smiling. “We’re about to start on the fourth graders.”

“We can help!” Steph declared as she entered the room, hand in hand with M’gann. “Megan and I can take fifth grade!”

“You guys are done already?” Dick asked, surprised.

“Conner is… surprisingly good with children,” Kaldur admitted, and Cass nodded quickly in agreement.

“Ducklings,” Cass said simply, smiling.

“It was so _cute_ ,” Steph confided to Artemis, grinning up at her. Conner looked up slightly, still holding Damian in his arms, trying to decide if he should be offended by that or not.

“I bet,” Artemis laughed, grinning at her fellow blonde.

“Conner can take first graders, since Steph tells me you have finished with the kindergarteners,” Kaldur said to Artemis. He wasn’t sure at what age (if any) Conner’s Snow White effect wore off, but he didn’t want to take chances.

“Yeah,” Artemis said, grinning ruefully. “Jason and I can get the second graders, so you can take Cass to get the fourth graders?”

“Sounds good,” Kaldur said, nodding. “We should head out. Come along Cass,” he added to his adorable shadow, who beamed and put her hand in his.

“Coming,” she said.

“Hey Wally,” Steph said, smiling widely up at her big(gest) brother’s boyfriend.

“Hey Steph,” Wally said, feeling nervous. (Why did Batkids smiling make him so scared?)

“I made you something,” Steph told him, beaming. “In Arts and Crafts.”

Wally swallowed, feeling surprisingly thirsty all of a sudden. “Oh, you shouldn’t have—” he was cut off by Steph, beaming widely, pressing something into his hands.

His first thought was that a Twilight Vampire had thrown up, since the thing in his hand had clearly been coated in glitter. His second was _‘What the hell?’_

It was a tiara. A _pink_ tiara, that had been coated in glitter. And, in very careful sixth grader handwriting, emphasized with little plastic gemstones, one could very clearly read _“WALLY LOVES DICK (GRAYSON).”_

He swallowed, and wondered _what_ exactly he had done previously to deserve this, forced a grin, and put the tiara on his head. Dick had told him stories about his siblings, and it really wouldn’t do to offend them.

He wanted to live, after all.

Suddenly, Artemis was there, throwing an arm around his shoulder grinning as Jason raised his phone into the air. “We’ll laugh about this one day,” she informed him, beaming widely as the light of Jason’s phone went off, along with the tell-tale sound of a photo being taken.

Wally blinked, vowing revenge, only to find that the archer and her little red haired accomplice had disappeared.

“You know,” Tim told him seriously, “Steph will be _very_ offended if you take off the tiara.”

“How offended?” he asked, feeling the glitter making its way to his scalp.

“Did Dick ever tell you about the Cupcake Incident?”

“Sort of…”

“That offended.”

Wally would not remove the tiara until he changed into his Kid Flash outfit. 


	14. Somebody Find a Place to Hang that Damn Lampshade

Artemis laughed, a huge grin stretching her face. “Please tell me that the photo turned out,” she said to Jason.

“Yep,” the boy confirmed, showing her his photo, featuring a horrified looking Wally and a beaming Artemis.

Artemis grinned, ruffling Jason’s hair. “We make a good team, kiddo.”

Jason grinned from ear to ear. “We do. You should come hang out at the Manor some time!”

If Artemis had been listening for it, she would have heard a hopeful undertone to that statement. Sadly, she had not yet caught onto the nefarious plots of miniature Bats.

* * *

 

Once the evacuation of the elementary school was completed, the Team, Batgirl, and the kids gathered in the Awards Room.

“To the middle school?” Wally asked Kaldur, clearly tired. “Should be easy, only two grades.”

Jason started laughing.

“What?” Wally demanded. “What did I say?”

“Jason’s a middle schooler,” Artemis pointed out. “And plus, you just jinxed it.”

“Jinxed it?”

“You said it would be easy, so now it’s going to be super complicated,” Dick said absentmindedly, attempting to see what essay Tim was writing with his phone. Tim was doing quite an impressive job at hiding it from his big brother, all the while adding to the already impressive word-count.

Wally snorted. “Oh come _on_ , Dick. You can’t really expect that words correlate to what will happen.”

Steph snickered. “Expect? More like _know_.”

“Remember last time Dick said that?” Jason asked his blonde sister, eyes wide with mischief.

“Oh yeah!” Steph said, smirking broadly. “Wasn’t that the time that he ended up dangling from the chandelier by his ankles, only wearing his—” She was cut off by Dick wrapping his hand around her mouth.

“That’s _enough_ of that,” Dick said, slightly red. “You shouldn’t listen to them, Wally. They tell the most outrageous lies sometimes—” Suddenly he let go of Steph’s mouth, looking disgusted. “ _Steph!_ That’s just _gross_!”

Steph stuck out her tongue, which she had just used as a weapon. “We’ve got pictures,” she confided to Artemis.

“Oh?” Artemis asked, smirking. “Sounds _interesting._ ”

“If this is because you’re after revenge for that time—” Dick began, before he was interrupted by Cass, who made a loud _shush_ noise.

“Coming!” Cass said, eyes wide. “Guards!”

They could all here it now, shouts and feet stomping in their general direction.

“Scatter!” Babs said, throwing out her arms. “We’ve only got surprise on our side! Run for it! Keep in contact through the kids!”

Wally scooped up Tim, and pulled him into the secret passage way that Steph had pulled open, followed closely by Damian, Conner, and M’gann. Dick and Babs were in the ceiling ways only slightly faster than their civilian counterparts would have any right to be, pausing only the help Artemis, Jason, Cass, and Kaldur up with them. They pulled the ceiling tile close behind them, just as the stereotypical passageway swung close behind the other group.

_Be safe_ , Wally mouthed to Dick, as the two locked eyes briefly before they lost sight of each other. 

* * *

 

“Can I take my class?” Jason asked Artemis, grinning widely as they crawled side by side through the ceiling of Gotham Academy. “I want to see my teacher’s face when he realizes I left.”

“Wouldn’t he have noticed by now?” Artemis demanded, glancing at Kaldur, the only person present who was unaware of The Family’s Big Damn Secret.

“Tt,” Jason snorted. “When I left, Mr. White was cowering in a corner with a brown paper bag. He wouldn’t notice if the whole class went missing.”

“Seriously,” Artemis sighed. “You would think that they would train the teachers for scenarios like this. And run drills for the kids. And have passageways in the rooms, instead of the hallways. This _can’t_ be the first time this has happened.”

Jason shook his head, grinning. “Third time since I’ve been here. This is the biggest, but…”

“The elite of Gotham are like that,” Babs said from Artemis’s right, craning her neck so she could look at Jason. “You’d think they’d catch on. The Joker crashes charity events, Two Face attacks things with a duality or twin theme, Poison Ivy will tear down new developments, and half of the time, security guards are actually mooks in disguise.”

“And seriously, at the rate that Scarecrow and the Joker attack, people should just start carrying around antidotes for Fear Gas and Joker Venom,” Dick said.

“Don’t Joker and Scarecrow mix up formulas?” Artemis asked.

“Yeah, but in theory the antidotes would at least _help_.”

“In theory?” Artemis raised an eyebrow.

“Joker made a batch of Venom that reacted _really_ badly with a previous antidote once,” Jason said, shuddering. Artemis guessed that Batman or Robin had been the victims of that batch.

“So why _haven’t_ people noticed?” Artemis demanded.

Dick shrugged. “Why does Wally tempt fate? Why is everybody _always_ surprised when Robin or Batman disappear? Why can’t anybody be bothered to actually _check_ if a super-villain is dead, even though odds are they aren’t? I don’t know.”

“People are stupid,” Jason supplied.

 “A weirdness filter in people’s brains,” Babs said.

“Plot,” Cass called.

Jason and Artemis exchanged a look and rolled their eyes. “I agree with you, kiddo,” Artemis confided. Jason grinned widely. 


	15. Legacies and Murphy's Law

_I’m just saying, Huntress is a_ much _better super-hero name than Artemis. –Steph_

_Steph, Huntress was Artemis’s mom when she was a villain! –Jason_

_Exactly! It can be a legacy, like Black Canary! –Steph_

_But Huntress was a villain! –Dick_

_Steph, I thought you were for Arrowette. –Tim_

_I was, but Huntress is about a trillion times more badass! And who cares, she can turn over the legacy and become her own person, yadda yadda yadda. –Steph_

_She can always be the next Speedy! –Jason_

_She’d kill you if she read that, Jay-Jay. –Dick_

_Shut up, Big D. –Jason_

_What if she doesn’t want to change her name? –Tim_

_That might complicate things. People would notice if we adopt Artemis Crock and then Artemis the hero starts hanging out with Batgirl and Robin more. –Steph_

_We are *not* adopting Artemis! –Dick_

_You’re just in denial. –Tim_

_Seriously Dick, you’re just fighting the inevitable. –Steph_

_Timmy! You’re supposed to be on my side! –Dick_

_Sorry, gotta agree with Steph on this one. –Tim_

_Artemis is family. she needs family. our family. –Cass_

_*face palms* –Dick_

_pats head its ok Dick. –Cass_

* * *

“Coast is clear,” M’gann said, drifting back into the room, Steph tailing behind her, typing rapidly on her phone with a scary smile on her face. (Seriously, why was Wally rapidly gaining an irrational fear of Dick’s siblings smiling?) “Do we know how many guards there are in this building?

“Twenty,” Tim said, looking up from his set-up, which seemed to be evolving as it went, because Wally was pretty sure that at the beginning, that laptop had been smaller, and that there _hadn’t_ been a Nintendo DS attached to the back. “Twelve of us, twenty of them…”

“Should be—” Wally began, before finding a small hand wrapped around his mouth, cutting him off.

“Bad boyfriend,” Cass said, glaring at him in a manner that no adorable thirteen year-old had the right to do. “No more jinxing.”

“Mmmph! Huuumph!” Wally protested through her hand, throwing his arms up into the air, attempting to convey his thoughts about paranoid Batchildren who bought into Murphy’s Law.

“Sorry Wally,” Tim said, not even looking up from his typing. “It’s for the good of all of us.”

“Yeah, it’s bad enough you jinxed us once already, but _twice_?” Steph chimed in, crossing her arms. “Cass, be careful! You’re damaging Wally’s crown!”

“Sorry,” the little ninja said, adjusting her grip.

“Umph!” Wally protested, attempting to shrug her off. Cass laughed, and poked him in the ribs.

“Promise no jinxing?” Cass said, standing on tiptoes to try to stare Wally in the eye. (She failed, but it was the thought that counted.)

“Mmph!” Wally said, nodding.

Smiling, Cass removed her hand. “Good boyfriend.”

M’gann turned her back on him, and Wally winced internally as he felt her displeasure at the whole Robin/Dick thing. He probably should talk to her about that…

_~~Hey Megan, it’s not what it looks like, I’m actually~~ _ ~~not _dating Dick, Cass just thinks I am…_~~

_~~Hey Megan, you really shouldn’t be that mad at me, Dick and Robin are the same person, so it’s not my fault, since there are those rules about his secret ID…~~ _

_~~Hey Megan, you shouldn’t be mad at me, Robin knows about Dick. We’re in what’s called an “open” relationship…~~ _

_~~Dick is dating Robin as well, it’s very complicated…~~ _

Wally sighed. Why was his life so strange?

Oh wait, probably because he had thought that it would be a really good idea to be the Flash’s sidekick, and recreated his Uncle Barry’s science experiment.


	16. Children are Scary

“Um… Mr. White?” Jason said in his most innocent voice, poking his teacher (who had remained in the exact position he had described earlier).

“What?” White said, clutching his paper bag so tightly that his knuckles were white. “What is it... Mr. Wayne?”

“Todd, sir,” Jason said with an exasperated eye roll. “Jason Todd.”

“Right, right, of course,” White muttered, beady brown eyes flickering around the classroom, taking in the very whelmed twelve year olds who were playing Risk and Monopoly while they waited for the situation to resolve itself. White’s eyes landed on Artemis, who stood behind Jason, a look of practiced patience on her face. “Who’s your friend, Mr. Wa—Todd?

“Artemis Crock, sir,” Jason said. “She’s here to help with evacuation.”

“Evacu—” White blanched. “Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Wayne. Evacuation is impossible. The guards—”

“Have been taken care of,” Artemis said, smiling in a way that showed she was _really_ wishing that she had her bow with her, so she could pin that pathetic man to the wall. “Now, if you will follow me…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Miss Cook!” White snapped, finally standing up, clearly trying to tower over the archer (it didn’t work—he was only an inch taller than her). “The guards are professionals, and if you expect me to believe that they have been ‘taken care of’ by a teenaged girl, you must seriously be underestimating my intellect!”

Artemis crossed her arms, lowering a glare that would make Batman proud at the pudgy, balding man. “Is there anything to underestimate?” she asked flatly.

“Excuse me!” White screeched, dropping his paper bag. “Miss Coolidge, I believe you should learn respect for your elders and betters!”

* * *

Artemis’s mouth twitched slightly at the butchering of her name. “Maybe later,” she said flippantly, waving her hand at the man, turning to the kids. “Hey! Who wants to see the inside of the school’s ceiling?”

Artemis led Jason’s class of eighth graders through the ceiling of Gotham Academy.

“I can’t believe you guys came _now_ ,” one kid was complaining. “I’d just rolled triple sixes at Risk!”

“You could have stayed and finished your game,” Jason said. “You know, in the _gun wielding maniac filled school_.”

“Point taken,” the kid said with a sigh. “But _still_. It’s not like we’ve never been hostages before.”

“Two-Face grabbed me once!” One girl said, smiling widely.

“Yeah _right_ , Holly,” said another girl. “Why would Two-Face grab _you_?”

“I don’t know!” Holly said, “But Catwoman and Batman came to rescue me, and it was _awesome_!”

“Catwoman’s a bad guy,” a boy with spiky blonde hair said. “Why would Batman team up with her?”

“I dunno!” Holly said.

“You’re just making stuff up,” a boy sniffed, and Artemis rolled her eyes.

“Am not!” Holly protested, just as Jason said, “Shut up, Driver.”

“You are _so_ not the boss of me, Todd,” Driver said, glowering at the bigger, stronger, red head.

Jason showed far too many teeth, green eyes flashing dangerously.

“Leave him alone Jason,” a blonde girl said, laying a hand on Jason’s shoulder. “He’s not worth it.”

Jason shrugged and muttered, “Was only gonna hit him a little,” before shuffling on. Artemis was glad—she didn’t want to find out how much hand to hand training the kid had. Rolling pin combat was entirely different.

“Hey Hill, didn’t you get nabbed by the Joker once?” Driver asked a tiny kid, who turned white as a sheet at the mention of the murderous clown.

“Y-y-yeah,” the boy stuttered, looking terrified.

“Aw, leave him alone!” Jason said, scowling at Driver. “He shouldn’t have to talk about it!”

“Dude, the Joker’s just a guy in a clown suit with a stupid laugh,” Driver said. “What’s the matter Todd, little _street kid_ afraid of clowns?”

Jason snorted. “ _No_. I’m afraid of psychopathic murderers who enjoy killing people for the hell of it.”

Hill—Artemis realized that it was Mayor Hill’s son, what’s-his-face—was not comforted by this description of the Joker. But, judging from the expression on the kid’s face, neither was Driver. And that was probably Jason’s point.

Artemis sighed, and pushed open the ceiling tile they needed to exit by. “Everybody down here,” she called softly. “ _Quietly_.”

* * *

“Oh _joy_ ,” Babs said, shoving her Smart Phone under Dick’s nose. “Look at what my dad sent me.”

_Barbara Gordan, what’s this I hear about you leading evacuations?_

Dick laughed. “Look at what Alfred sent all of us,” he said, showing her his.

_If you must put yourselves in danger, be warned that Master Bruce will be most displeased if any of you are injured in this misadvised adventure._

“Ah, Alfred,” Babs said, shaking her head solemnly. “What would the universe do without him?”

Dick looked stricken at the very thought. “Don’t even _joke_ about that! It would probably implode or something!”

“Not to mention, all of you Bats would starve,” Babs informed him, grinning.

“Hey, we wouldn’t starve!”

“You’re right,” Babs conceded, nodding solemnly. “Bruce would poison you all first.”

“His cooking’s not _that_ bad…” Dick defended his mentor and father-figure.

“Richard Grayson, his cooking’s even worse than yours, and I’m your partner in Home Ec., so I know just how bad yours is.”

“ _One_ case of food poisoning, and you never let it go!”

“Never will,” Babs agreed. “Not until I learn to eat vanilla pudding again.”

“Vanilla pudding isn’t that big of a deal!” The Boy Wonder protested, leaping down from the ceiling gracefully.

“I _liked_ vanilla pudding. Now I can’t even _look_ at the stuff without my stomach hosting a protest!”

“You’re exaggerating!”

“The school nurse will back me up on this one.”

“You just wanted to skip playing basketball in gym,” Dick grumbled. “There is _no_ way that you were puking for that long.”

“What I still don’t get is how you managed to do that,” Babs admitted. “It was out of a _packet_. What did you do?”

“It smelled funny, so I had to improvise!”

“You improvised with vanilla pudding.”

“Yes?”

“Dick Grayson, you are so lucky you are my best friend.”

“I know Babs, I know.”


	17. The Batchildren's Guide to Trolling

Wally returned from escorting the last of his and Tim’s batch of seventh grader’s through the tunnel, so that the kids could be reunited with their parents, when he heard something.

“ _No_. We’re not allowed to tell him!” Tim said, voice slightly louder than usual. Wally ducked behind a tree, making a spur of the moment decision (the kind that he did best) to listen in.

“That’s not fair on Wally,” Steph’s voice said, sounding disapproving.

“So what?” Jason said. “It’s how it is.”

“I just don’t think that Dick should be keeping secrets from Wally like that!” Steph said. “I mean, it’s just _wrong_!”

“I think the whole thing’s messed up,” Jason agreed. “I mean, Babs and Dick?”

“Shut up Jason. We’re not supposed to talk about it,” Tim said, voice dripping with disapproval.

“We’re not even supposed to _know_ about it, Timmy.”

“He left his email open!”

“You mean, password protected with double encryptions?”

“The password of the day was _GingerSpeedsterB02_. It was like he was _trying_ to get me to see it!”

Jason laughed. “That was seriously his password?”

“Yeah. He’s had worse though.”

“Like?”

“ _Acrobatman111_ , _TotheBatcave3210, r0binb0yw0nder, BigTop1313, Graysonrulez22…_ ”

“And you insult _my_ passwords?” Jason said, voice incredulous, while Steph sniggered.

“But the _point_ is, if he wanted to keep it a secret, he should have hidden it better!”

“Most people would consider double encrypting his email, ‘hiding it,’” Steph pointed out.

“ _Most_. We’re not normal, Steph, or did you forget again?” Jason reminded her.

Wally leaned against the tree, trying to sort his way through cryptic Bat-children talk.

So… Dick was hiding something from him?

“Hook, line, sink,” Cass whispered, reappearing next to her siblings. “Paranoid.”

Jason grinned, throwing an arm over Tim’s shoulders. “Good job, Timmy. I can’t believe you chose plan forty-two.”

“Why do I feel like I should do a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference?” Steph said with a smirk.

“Life, the universe, everything, and Belgium,” Cass said serenely.

“Cass! You said a bad word! You’re going to get shot through the lungs!” Steph said, worried.

“Belgium, Belgium, Belgium,” Cass responded, sticking out her tongue.

“I _knew_ it was a mistake to let her read those books,” Tim said with a laugh.

“It’s all your fault, Jason!” Steph said dramatically. “You got her hooked on swearing, and now our big sister is going to get shot through the lungs by a bunch of aliens!”

“Belgium, Belgium, Belgium,” Jason said, letting Tim go so he could hug Cass.

“Stop it!” Steph said, eyes wide as she slapped a hand over Jason’s mouth. “You’ll get us all killed by aliens! Tim, help me!”

“Belgium, Belgium, Belgium,” sang Cass, dodging Tim’s attempt to tackle her.

Jason (carefully) shoved Steph aside, and then pulled her into a headlock, still chanting the name of the European country as he tousled her hair.

In the distance, Conner paused, and looked at the small boy in his arms. “Why are your siblings chanting ‘Belgium’?”

“Tt,” Damian snorted, looking far more dignified than any boy his age should ever look. “It’s a stupid reference to this ridiculous book they all read. Now hurry up; I want to get out of here before Gra—Dick decides I need a nap.”

Conner decided to humor the little boy, and nodded. _Can you believe these kids?_ He asked M’gann telepathically.

_Not really_ , M’gann replied, sounding very confused. _Now they’re yelling things about cars and bathrobes and towels, and I think Dick died of laughter. Wally looks worried._

Conner’s lips twitched downward in a frown. _I don’t like Dick,_ he complained to M’gann. _I don’t get how Wally could cheat on Robin with him._

M’gann sounded distressed as she replied. _I don’t mind Dick so much… it’s just that… how could Wally do such a thing? How could he… how could_ anyone _do that to someone? Robin will be devastated when he finds out. I thought that Wally… well, that he… and Robin…_

_We all did_ , Conner responded grimly. _I don’t want to see what happens when Batman finds out._

M’gann let a small giggle leak through their mind link. _Neither do I._ Her ‘voice’ became somber once again. _But how will Robin take it? I mean, he and Wally have been best friends for ages… can their friendship last this though?_

_I don’t know,_ Conner admitted, pulling open the door to the entrance of the secret passageways. _It’s not like either of us have had experience with this sort of thing before. What do your TV Shows show in this kind of situation?_

_On the shows, one of the people involved is a scumbag, and then the one who_ didn’t _cheat goes to the person they’ve been almost-dating for comfort. Or it’s all just a great big misunderstanding, and the status quo is maintained._

_Not really helpful,_ Conner thought dryly.

_Exactly,_ M’gann agreed sorrowfully. _Oh, I wish this_ was _just a great big misunderstanding._

Conner snorted, unaware of the odd looks that Damian was giving him. _How could this be a misunderstanding? Dick is clearly dating Wally, and Robin is clearly dating Wally._

_I know_ , M’gann sighed. _I just wish it was. It’s going to be so difficult in the field after this. Robin and Wally were such a great team. They won’t be able to trust each other after this._

_Will_ we _be able to trust him after this?_ Conner wanted to know. _I mean, we thought we knew Wally, but if he can cheat on Robin like that… do we really know him?_

_I don’t know, Conner_ , M’gann said softly. _I don’t know._

* * *

“Steph?” M’gann said, leaving her connection with Conner open. “We should probably get going…”

The Wayne siblings froze where they were. Cass had Tim dangling from one ankle, and had been taking advantage of her younger brother’s position to tickle him. Steph had escaped the headlock, and was now perched in a nearby tree, pelting everyone with pinecones. Jason was halfway up the tree to get to her, acorns and leaves tangled in his bright red hair. The four of them exchanged glances. Cass waved.

“Sure thing Megan!” Steph said, clambering down the tree, taking care not to step on Jason as she did so. Steph brushed off her shirt, which was peppered with flecks of bark and dirt, and skipped over to Megan.

“Time for us to go too, kiddo,” Artemis said, entering the clearing, a smile appearing on her face as she took in the scene. “We’ve got another class in your grade to go.”

“’kay!” Jason said, dropping off the tree and walking up to her. “Let’s go!”

With a laugh, the two of them walked into the woods.

“Tim?” Wally said, voice nervous as he emerged in the clearing. “I think we need to go as well.”

“Spoil-sport,” Cass said with a sigh, carefully setting Tim down. “Where Kaldur?”

“Kaldur’s by the wall,” M’gann said, avoiding looking at Wally. “He’ll be here soon. Why don’t you wait for him here?”

* * *

Kaldur rubbed his temples. The evacuation was being difficult, especially since the Team were operating as simple civilians. Many people might dislike costumed heroes, but if it had been Robin, Aqualad, Batgirl, Superboy, Artemis, Miss Martian, and Kid Flash who had been leading evacuations, Kaldur had no doubt that he would have been forced to explain the situation a lot less.

His headache was back, full force.

Tiny arms wrapped around his midsection, and he blinked, realizing that Cass had appeared out of nowhere, and was now hugging him.

“It okay Kaldur,” Cass told him, huge eyes smiling up at him. “People not understand.”

Kaldur frowned. How had she known what he was thinking?

Cass just smiled at him as she released him and grabbed his hand, tugging him along. “Come! Children and ducklings need help!”

“I thought we evacuated all the ducklings,” Kaldur muttered softly as he was led along by the tiny thirteen year-old.

Cass smiled, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Damian is duckling,” she reminded him matter-of-factly.

“Ah yes. How could I forget?” Kaldur said dryly.

Cass shrugged.


	18. Explanations (But Not the Ones We're Hoping For)

“Are you and Conner dating?” Steph asked M’gann, dancing around the Martian as she talked.

“Yes,” M’gann said, smiling at the cheerful blonde.

“That is so cool! How did you guys meet? First meeting stories are _so amazing_. Dick tells us the one about how he and Wally met for the first time _all the time_ , and it is still awesome!”

M’gann blinked, trying to edit her story. _My superhero uncle brought me to a top-secret mountain base to join a team of superheroes, and then I met the clone of Superman,_ didn’t exactly translate into civilian after all. “His… father and my uncle are good friends, and… there was a party, with Kaldur and Wally and Conner and… Rob. I met them all there.”

“Who’s Rob?” Steph asked, face curious, but her eyes sparkling oddly. “Is that Wally’s other boyfriend?”

“Yes,” M’gann said.

“Was Artemis there too?” Steph asked, bouncing up and down. “And what about Babs?”

“No,” M’gann replied, “We met them at later… parties.”

“That is _so cool_. Where were these parties?”

“Rhode Island,” M’gann said. “That’s where Conner and I live.”

Suddenly, Steph frowned. “I thought Conner didn’t have a dad.”

 _Oops_. “Well, he sort of does, but it’s really complicated and there’s custody issues, and it’s very confusing, and _Idon’texactlyknowhowtoexplainit_.” M’gann said, quickly trying to get out of this secret-identity induced problem she had gotten herself into.

Steph frowned. “Oh.” She paused. “Has Conner _met_ his dad?”

“A few times,” M’gann said truthfully. “But he… always runs away.”

“If he doesn’t want to meet Conner, why does he even show up?”

“He, my uncle, Artemis’s uncle, Wally’s uncle, Rob’s dad, and Kaldur’s… mentor, are all part of a… club.”

Steph’s face was perfectly straight. “What kind of club? Is it like one of Bruce’s clubs, where there’s pool and people only talk business, and the badguys invade every few weeks?”

“… sort of.”

“Why are there so many uncles? Don’t any of those guys have kids of their own?”

“Well… Artemis’s uncle, Ollie, has an adopted son named Roy…”

“Roy? Roy Harper? That is _so awesome_! We know Roy! He comes over to the Manor and Damian bites him, and Cass makes him give her piggyback rides, and Dick and Tim dye his hair pink, and then he gets mad at them! Why doesn’t Roy go to your parties?”

“He doesn’t like hanging out with us…” M’gann said weakly.

“Why wouldn’t he? You guys are _cool_! And wait, does that mean that _your_ Kaldur is the same as _his_ Kaldur?”

“ _His_ Kaldur?” M’gann echoed faintly, overwhelmed by the exuberance and enthusiasm that was Steph Brown.

* * *

_Trolling is so much fun. –Steph_

_Agreed! –Tim_

_:) Very fun. –Cass_

_Guys, stop screwing with my teammates. If they figure it out, we’re all going to be grounded! –Dick_

_*You* screw with them all the time! –Steph_

_Yes, but not when my identity is at risk! –Dick_

_So… if we checked your phone, we would *not* see a picture of Artemis on the first day of school? –Jason_

_… I have no idea what you are talking about. –Dick_

_Of course not. :D –Steph_

_We’ll laugh about this someday. –Jason_

_ARTEMIS, stop telling them stories! –Dick_

_Stories? Plural! Ooh, this is going to be interesting! –Steph_

_I feel like I should do something… –Tim_

_Like maybe concentrate on the mission instead of texting each other? –Jason_

_Hey Timmy, can you link Artemis into our conversation? –Steph_

_I can try! –Tim_

_Guys, Artemis is *not* part of the family, you guys can’t do that! –Dick_

_Go for it, Timmy! –Jason_

_I’m serious! –Dick_

_What’s her phone number, Jason? –Tim_

_Guys! –Dick_

_Here, I’ll have her text you. –Jason_

_ARE ANY OF YOU GUYS EVEN LISTENING TO ME? –Dick_

_Nope. :) –Cass_

* * *

“Hey Artemis, can I borrow your phone for a minute?” Jason asked, looking up from his own sleek and expensive-looking WayneTech device.

Artemis raised an eyebrow, but reached into her pocket and removed her battered flip-phone, tossing it to Jason, who caught it, and began typing on the tiny little dial-pad.

“What are you doing?” Artemis asked, hoping that Jason was not hacking into something extremely top-secret from her phone (not because of the questionable legality of such hacking—she was a vigilante daughter of two assassins, after all—but because she _really_ didn’t want to end up getting blamed for something she didn't do. Principal of the thing).

Jason looked up at her, green eyes twinkling innocently. “Programming The Family’s numbers onto your phone,” he said. “And linking you into our multi-way text conversation.”

Artemis blinked. “What?”

“Timmy and Dick are hackers,” Jason said with a shrug. “Give Timmy a computer and a calculator and he can create a virus to shut down LexCorp.”

 “Speaking from experience, I guess?” Artemis asked, smiling as she shook her head. This Family was crazy. And entertaining.

“Yep,” Jason said with a wide grin as he tossed her the phone back. “April Fool’s Day two years ago.”

“I feel like I should be sorry for Lex Luthor,” Artemis said, shaking her head again. “But then I remember that it’s _Lex Luthor_ , and it’s stupid to feel sorry for him.”

Jason nodded seriously. “Save the pity for people who deserve it. Like fictional mass-murderers.”

Artemis snorted, ruffling Jason’s hair again, much to the despair of the middle schooler. As Jason valiantly attempted to restore his hair to all of its chaotic glory, Artemis’s phone let out a familiar jingle, as Jason’s vibrated on the floor next to him.

“Is that… Green Arrow’s theme song?” Artemis asked faintly, flipping open her phone. “I did _not_ have that on my phone!”

Jason grinned up at her mischievously. “Never underestimate the power of Tim with a laptop. And you should really have that on vibrate.”

Artemis pressed down on the volume button, setting it to vibrate, as she read the text that had arrived on her phone.

_Hey Artemis! –Steph_

Artemis didn’t even have time to respond before her phone shook in her hands again, and another message appeared.

_Artemis, help me! My siblings are insane! –Dick_

Artemis pressed down the buttons, typing her own response. _What was your first clue, Boy Wonder? –Artemis_

“Why did my name appear after the text?” Artemis asked the red haired boy beside her.

“Timmy loves programming,” Jason said with a shrug.

_How do you like the ringtone, Artemis? –Tim_

“This is so weird. Shouldn’t we all be focusing on evacuating kids?” Artemis asked, staring at her ancient mobile device as she typed out her response.

_It’s great Tim, thanks! –Artemis_

Jason shrugged again. “Hey, we’re a bunch of hyperactive kids with ninja training, but who can’t do as much as we should, because of stupid identity rules. We have way too much free-time on our hands.”

“So you _admit_ you’re hyperactive,” Artemis said with a smirk.

_What did you give her, Timmy? –Steph_

“I did no such thing. I said that as a _group_ we are hyperactive,” Jason said, sticking his nose in the air and putting on all of the snobbishness that being Bruce Wayne’s adoptive son had granted him.

_Green Arrow Theme Song –Tim_

Artemis laughed again, shaking her head. “Come on. We’ve got innocent little eighth graders to save.”

Jason snorted at the thought of his classmates being innocent, and scooped up his phone. “Yeah, we better get going.”


	19. Lying Liars Who Lie

“Your siblings are so weird,” Babs said, looking over Dick’s shoulder with a smirk. “Do you think she realizes that she’s being lured into a trap?”

“Maybe,” Dick said, sliding the keyboard of his Smartphone away. “I mean, she’s dealing with Jason, the king of unsubtly.”

“I thought that title was Wally’s?” Babs asked, smirking.

Dick blinked at her. “Why would it be Wally’s title?”

There was a pause.

Babs raised an eyebrow.

Dick leveled his best imitation of a Batglare at her.

Babs raised the other eyebrow.

Dick crossed his arms.

Babs put hers on her hips.

Dick narrowed his eyes.

Babs smirked.

Dick stuck out his lower lip in a not-pout.

Babs raised her eyebrows even higher.

Dick finally gave in. “Right. It’s Wally.”

Babs grinned triumphantly, and raised her fist into the air. “Batgirl: 33, Robin: 32!”

“Best out of sixty seven?” Dick asked.

“You’re on, Boy Wonder.”

* * *

“Do you ever stop texting?” Wally asked Tim, nervously. “What are you guys even talking about?”

“The surgery,” Tim said absently. Then suddenly he looked up, eyes wide in the typical Batfamily ‘oh shit, I just gave something away’ expression.

“The surgery?” Wally repeated, very, very confused. “What surgery?”

“Nothing!” Tim said quickly, stuffing his phone into his pocket. “Really, it’s nothing!”

Wally was very, very worried now. What was going on?

* * *

M’gann was very confused. Life on Earth always was confusing, but this in particular was bewildering.

This school was wonderful, the kind that she had always dreamed of attending back on Mars, when she hadn’t fantasized about Megan’s school, that is. Large and old-fashioned, with clean, up-to-date classrooms, pretty courtyards, and _secret passageways_. If there hadn’t been a mission at stake, M’gann would have been squealing.

On the other hand… she looked at her left hand, from which dangled an enthusiastic, cheerful ball of energy that went by the name of Stephanie Brown. M’gann was overwhelmed by the sheer _happiness_ that came off this girl in psychic waves. Yes, she was in danger, but that did nothing to put a damper in the girl’s simply cheerful soul. M’gann didn’t dare to intrude on Steph’s thoughts for fear of being discovered, but even just the surface thoughts that M’gann could pick up with ease supported the theory.

Steph had her family, and they were safe. She was having an adventure, and it was going along well. There was also a sort of cheerful buzzing beneath it all, but M’gann couldn’t pin down the source of it without attracting Steph’s attention. The buzz was familiar, but M’gann couldn’t identify where she had felt it before for the life of her.

M’gann looked at Wally, who was exchanging a glance with Dick from across the room as Tim dragged Wally back to fetch more of the kids. M’gann’s (human) stomach twisted within her. This was _wrong_. The emotions radiating from Dick and Wally were just… _wrong_. Affection and caring and concern and _love_ did not belong there, not between those two. It was sickenly familiar to M’gann. She’d felt it before coming from Wally and a boy, but that boy should _not be Dick Grayson._

Robin was M’gann little/older brother on Earth. Robin had put trust in Wally, and Wally had _broken it into a thousand tiny pieces._ M’gann drew her rage within her, holding it close. Even if Robin would—could not—do anything to Wally for hurting him in that way, M’gann _would_. M’gann was naïve about things on Earth, but she knew one thing for sure—when she wanted to be, Miss Martian was _scary_.

Wally was going to be very, very sorry once this mission was over.

“Megan?” Steph asked, tugging on her arm. M’gann quickly pulled her thoughts out of that building rage within her, and turned her attention back to the adorable little blonde girl. “Shouldn’t we be going now?”

“Right!” M’gann said, smoothing her features into the cheerful mask of Megan Morse, the Earth girl, not M’gann, the girl from Mars, or even Miss Martian, the super-hero. “Of course. Let’s go!”

* * *

_Guys, I think we might need to tell the Team. M’gann had a scary face on when she was looking at Wally. –Steph_

_I think that’d be a BAD IDEA. Do you have any idea how much trouble we would be in if we did that? –Tim_

_But M’gann might traumatize Wally! –Steph_

_Don’t worry Steph, I’ll talk with her. –Artemis_

_What will you say? –Jason_

_I’ll tell her that I’ll take care of it so she doesn’t have to. Wally will only have to act traumatized. –Artemis_

_Thanks Artemis. –Dick_

_No problem, Boy Wonder. –Artemis_

_So Artemis, you were telling us about the time that Dick and Wally had a video-game tournament? –Steph_

_STOP TELLING THEM STORIES! –Dick_

_Where was I? –Artemis_

_PLEASE, ARTEMIS, DON’T TELL THIS STORY! –Dick_

_They were playing Mario Party. –Tim_

_And Wally was eating Cheetos. –Steph_

_YOU GUYS ARE ALL EVIL! ARTEMIS, PLEASE! –Dick_

_It was funny. :) –Cass_

_Ah yes. Well, you see, Wally was getting tired of getting murdered at video-games… –Artemis_

_He’s fighting a Batkid. What did he expect? –Jason_

_ARE ANY OF YOU GUYS LISTENING TO ME?—Dick_

_And Wally decided that if he couldn’t beat Dick fair and square, he should try to *distract* Dick. –Artemis_

_Wait, quick question: are we going to get traumatized here? –Tim_

_Don’t worry Tim, this is strictly Batkid friendly. I don’t want to risk the wrath of Batman. –Artemis_

_TIM, DID YOU BLOCK ME FROM THE CONVERSATION OR SOMETHING?????? –Dick_

_I don’t know why you’re so worried Timmy. It’s not like we’re all innocent little angels. –Jason_

_I like to keep up the pretense of purity. –Tim_

_very fun to pretend. :) –Cass_

_SERIOUSLY, ARTEMIS STOP TELLING THEM AWFUL STORIES THAT ARE LIES, AND MOST CERTAINLY NOT TRUE! GUYS, DO NOT BELIEVE THE TERRIBLE THINGS SHE SAYS! –Dick_


	20. Parnoia Gambit

Babs looked over Dick’s shoulder, smirking. “She’s already been adopted, hasn’t she?”

Dick groaned, running his hands through his overly-gelled-but-oh-so-adorable hair. “They’ve made up their minds. It’s going to take a hell of a lot to change their minds.”

“How much are we talking?” Babs said, flipping her long red hair over her shoulder.

“Alfred not-baking cookies for a month much. Which, incidentally, he will never do. Look at this text he sent us,” Dick said, showing Babs his phone.

_In response to your earlier question, Master Jason, I believe that tonight would not be the best night to have Miss Crock over for dinner. However, tomorrow night should work very well. –Alfred_

Babs raised an eyebrow. “Am I missing something here?”

“Tomorrow’s Jason’s _birthday_ ,” Dick moaned. “We’re supposed to have a nice, quiet, _family-only_ dinner.”

Babs clapped a hand over her mouth. “Alfred is in on the plot?”

“He probably knew about it before I did,” Dick groused. “I think Steph’s been planning this for ages. And anyways, Alfred’s always for more kids in the Manor. He thinks it’s healthy for Bruce’s mental health or something like that.”

Babs snickered. “Poor Dickie-boy. About to lose his place as oldest sibling.” She said in a sing-song fashion.

Dick’s eyes widened. “ _That’s_ what this is all about! They’re attempting to stage a coup!”

“Yes, because if your siblings decided to overthrow you, they would definitely need to recruit Artemis in order to do it. Because, you know, they weren’t trained by Batman, and they don’t outnumber you five to one.”

“… sarcasm is unnecessary, Barbara.”

“Sarcasm is always necessary, Richard. Always.”

There was a pause, and Babs sighed. “Should I be jealous that Artemis is included in The Family’s text-conversations and I’m not?”

“That’s only because your dad won’t let you, Babs, and you know it!” Dick said with a grin. “I’m still saying we’re lucky he didn’t blow a gasket when you told him you were Batgirl.”

Babs shuddered at the memory. “And that he didn’t ground me for life, burn my costume, and smash the Batsignal.”

Dick’s eyes bulged. “He really thought about doing that?”

“He threatened,” Babs said, shrugging as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Said something about child-endangerment and how I can’t be trusted to make the safe choices. And how I shouldn’t be forced to make the hard ones.”

Dick’s mouth twitched slightly for a quick moment—for a smile or a frown, it was impossible to tell. “Sounds like him,” he agreed. “But hey, he didn’t!”

* * *

Wally West had _no idea_ about what was going on. He looked over his shoulder, hearing a strange _noise_ again. This one sounded faintly like a creepy wind, but that didn’t make sense, since Gotham Academy _didn’t have drafts_.

No one was there. Wally swallowed, ignoring the _look_ that Tim was giving him. _He was not going crazy, what are you talking about?_ He muttered something about Gotham being full of creepy things, just too low for Tim to hear him, and then looked back again.

Tim laughed all of a sudden, and Wally’s head rotated at super-speed to see the sixth grader cheerfully texting ( _again_.) Seriously, how did those kids survive in class?

“What’s so funny?” Wally asked, unsure if he wanted to know. He was wary of Bathumor and Batlaughs. He was dating Dick, after all, and Dick was of the opinion that the funniest thing _ever_ was their teammates _‘Where the hell has Robin ninja-ed to this time?’_ expressions, and this included Wally’s own.

“Just something Dixie said,” Tim said lightly, before going all wide-eyed- oh-shit-I-just-blew-a-secret-bigger-than-that-gigantic-penny-in-the-Batcave.

“Who’s Dixie?” Wally asked, suddenly resolving to buy Kaldur a large box of chocolates and a gigantic bottle of ibuprofen as an apology for all of the times that he had caused headaches similar to the one he had now to the Atlantean.

“No one!” Tim said, _far_ too quickly. “No one important that is, ‘cause, you know, obviously h-she’s doesn’t not exist, that’d be silly!”

There was a loud _snap_ , like the sound of a twig snapping ( _which doesn’t make sense, why are there sticks in the snobbiest school in the Northeast)_ , and Wally grabbed Tim and ducked behind the nearest corner, because _something was happening_.

“Wally?” Tim asked, voice slightly muffled from being pressed between Wally and the wall. “Why did you use super speed?”

“Didn’t you hear that?” Wally demanded, wondering if he was going crazy. Maybe he was. He had never been in Gotham for this long before, and Gotham did weird things to people.

“Didn’t I hear what?” Tim asked, still sounding weird.

“That _noise_!” Wally said.

“What? Me breathing? Which might stop soon, you know, if you don’t stop crushing me,” Tim said.

“Oops,” Wally said, letting Tim down to the ground. “Um… it’s nothing I guess,” he said, looking around and seeing no one. He forced a smile. “C’mon, we’ve got work to do,” he said, feeling paranoid.

Tim grinned, grabbed his hand, and the two of them walked to fetch the last class of sixth graders.

Once they were out of hearing range, Artemis shifted the ceiling tile aside, and slipped down to the ground. “I feel mean,” she told Jason.

“All part of the plan,” he reassured her. “He’s already paranoid as hell.”

“Language, kiddo,” Artemis said absently, fetching the miniature speaker from which Jason and Tim had been emitting horror movie noises. “Are we going to do this in the high school as well?”

Their phones vibrated in unison, and the two exchanged a grin. “Let’s see what Timmy thinks,” Jason said, smirking.

* * *

_(Private message: include only Jason, Artemis, Tim, Steph, Cass)_

_Nice job you guys. I think we’re good. If he doesn’t snap by the time this is over, he passes. –Tim_

_I think he’ll pass. I’m kind of glad. –Steph_

_Yeah, Wally’s pretty cool. –Jason_

_Is he approved yet? –Tim_

_Not quite yet. –Jason_

_We still need to see if he snaps. –Steph_

_I feel sorry for him. But then I realize just how funny this is, and I’m not any more. –Artemis_

_Funny. :) –Cass_

_You sure love smilies, Cass. –Artemis_

_Smilies are happy. –Cass_

_Ooh, I’m going to make Wally jump! –Steph_

_How? –Tim_

_By sneaking up behind him, and tapping him on the shoulder, then disappearing. –Steph_

_Evil children. I approve. –Artemis_

_Yay! We have Artemis approval! –Steph_

_*hugs* Yay! –Cass_

_Tim, please tell me you got a photograph of his face! –Steph_

_Got one. And security footage. Will be uploading to all of your mobiles at soonest opportunity. –Tim_

_Mine doesn’t support video. –Artemis_

_I’ll fix that. –Tim_

_You can’t fix that, it’s an ancient piece of technology! –Artemis_

_I can fix that. –Tim_

_How? –Artemis_

_And you are *not* allowed to get me a new phone. –Artemis_

_Foiled! –Jason_

_I wasn’t going to! –Tim_

_Yeah, you were just going to take it apart and put it back together, making it about sixty times awesomer. –Steph_

_Awesomer not a word. –Cass_

_It should be! –Steph_

_Dick’s not the only one who’s allowed to make up new words! –Jason_

_I am whelmed by all of you. –Artemis_


	21. Let's Talk About Shovels

“That’s the last of them,” Wally said, leaning against the wall of Gotham Academy with a sigh. “Just the high school left.”

“Fantastic,” Artemis said, smiling in a way that reminded Wally of the Batchildren’s smiles. Wow,  _that_  was a scary thought; Artemis as a Batchild. Wally’s life would be over. “So we’ve  _just_  got the people who are most likely to question and disobey, not to mention, the most guarded.”

“… shut up.”

“This is going to be interesting,” Conner muttered, and Damian pulled on his hair, snorting.

“To quote Dick,  _duh_ ,” Damian said.

“Are you  _sure_  he’s four?” Conner asked Dick.

“Mostly,” Dick said.

Damian stuck his tongue out at Dick.

* * *

Wally was  _not_  panicking. He was  _not_ , dammit! He was  _not_  afraid, he was  _not_ worrying, and he most certainly  _was not going crazy_!

He tentatively touched the top of his head, making sure that the tiara was still there. He didn’t want to see what Steph’s reaction would be if he lost her present. Dick had told him  _stories_  about the little Batchild’s wrath.

He heard the sound of a stick snapping again, and he spun around. Nothing was there. He slowly turned back, and then let out a very loud  _yelp_.

Cassandra Cain had snuck up on him, and was smiling widely, which made Wally want to  _run away from all of these Batchildren_. “Hello!”

“Hi,” Wally managed, desperately trying to maintain his dignity. (He had very little, if any, left, but he was still trying, the poor dear.) “Where did Tim go?” His eyes darted around, searching for his young charge.

Cass smirked widely, tilting her head to one side. “Tim went talk to Artemis about cameras.”

“Security cameras?” He asked, slightly confused.

“Yes.” Her eyes sparkled, as if there was a joke going on that Wally didn’t know about.

“Um… so what do you want?” He asked, backing away from the (girl) ninja-assassin-Batchild. (What were the odds that they had  _two_  ninja-assassin-Batchildren, making the gender clarification necessary?)

Cass clapped her hands, as if she was a kindergarten teacher, and he was an exceptionally bright student who had proved he was already capable of tying his own shoelaces. She then took a step forward, and Wally took another backwards. She smiled even wider, and stepped toward him again, and he continued to back away, until his back hit the wall. Wally suddenly wished that he had the ability to vibrate his molecules, more-so than ever before, because he did  _not_  like the look on Cass’s face.

She poked him in the chest, eyes narrowed, all humor gone now. “Do you love Dick?” She said, carefully enunciating each word, being very careful that she didn’t make a single mistake. She did not want there to be  _any_  doubt in her big(gest) brother’s boyfriend’s mind about what she was asking.

“What? Why are you asking me this? It’s none of your business!” Wally flailed, trying to get away from her by sidling along the wall. Cass kicked at the place where he would be if he continued, missing his arm by a hair. Wally’s eyes went wide.

“Answer. The. Question.” Cass snapped. Slowly, she lowered her leg back to the ground, shifting herself into a position that Black Canary had taught her. (She liked Black Canary. Black Canary helped with the ‘ _don’t do that move, it kills people’_  thing and wasn't afraid to train with her.)

Wally swallowed, looking around for an escape. Cass paused, trying to remember what she was supposed to do if she needed to intimidate him, and then paused, trying to decide if cracking her knuckles (waste of time, slightly pointless, distracted her hands, often seen in movies as a threatening move) would be more effective than just knocking Wally to the ground (hostile action, proves point, prevents flight). Wally’s body-language shifted slightly, alerting Cass to him having chosen ‘flight’ as his next course of action.

Cass  _flowed_.

She reached down, grabbed Wally’s left ankle, and jerked him forward, sending him crashing painfully (but not overly-so) into the floor, although the angle which she had managed prevented him from hitting the wall. She then sat on his chest, as if he were Jason pouting about something, and crossed her arms, mimicking Steph’s  _you’re being silly and I’m going to wait here until you’ve stopped_  posture. “Bad Wally,” she scolded. “Answer the question.”

“Alright  _yes_ , yes I do! Now can you get off me?”

Cass ran her eyes up and down his body, trying to determine if he was lying. She smiled widely, getting off him. He clambered to his feet, glaring at her. “Now tell him,” she told him, her grin stretching impossibly wider.

“WHAT?”

“Tell him,” Cass told him, smiling. “Dick been worrying.”

“Worrying about what?” Wally demanded, crossing his arms.

“That you don’t love him back.”

All the color drained from Wally’s face, emphasizing his freckles in a funny way. Cass thought it was funny, and resolved to create that expression on Wally’s face more often. Jason would have ideas about how to cause it.

“He thinks…” Wally started, looking absolutely panicked. Cass nodded. “And he said that…” Cass nodded again. “Okay, I’ll tell him,” Wally said, trying to look brave. Cass paused, and then raised her eyebrow, just like Steph had taught her for situations like that.

“Going to find Kaldur now,” she told him, smiling. She turned around and walked away.  _One step, two steps, three steps, four steps_ …

When she reached twelve steps, she turned around and looked at Wally, her face stretching into her most terrifying grin, and recited the words that Tim and Jason had coached her on for  _days_ , making sure that every syllable was right. “And if you hurt him, we will  _end_  you.” She waved jauntily, just as Steph had taught her. “Bye bye!”


	22. Captain Obvious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* so I just realized this has been lingering in my drafts for way too long. I'm going to get back into the swing of posting this fic, I promise.

Kaldur was at his wit’s end. He had turned around for a _single moment_ , and his young charge had managed to disappear into the intricately winding hallways of Gotham Academy. He cursed himself for being so careless. The girl was _thirteen_ , and he had managed to lose her already. He shuddered to think what would happen if he was entrusted with Aquaman’s child after he—or she, the sages had not yet been able to interpret the signs to identify the gender of the child—was born. He would probably manage to lose the infant heir even if he had been holding the baby in his arms.

Cursing quite creatively in Atlantean, he resisted the urge to rip open the lockers in his search for the young Wayne girl. (Yes, he was aware that the girl was the same age as Robin. However, Robin had been _trained for combat and for situations such as this one_. Cassandra had _not_ been, and Kaldur did not want to imagine the young girl getting shot.)

“Kaldur?” An innocent little voice said from behind him, causing him to spin around on his heel, and sag ever-so-slightly in relief. It was Cass. “What language you are speaking?”

“It is Greek, Cass,” he told her, grateful that he could tell at least a half-truth. “I study it at my… school.”

“Ah,” Cass said, nodding solemnly, although he could have sworn that she was hiding a smile.

“Where were you?” He demanded, narrowing his silvery-green eyes. “I was concerned for your safety.”

“Had to talk to Wally,” she said, eyes wide and innocent. “He might hurt Dick. Had to talk to him.”

“And what, exactly, do you intend to do to Wally if he _does_ hurt your brother?” Kaldur asked the girl, wondering how much she knew and understood about Wally’s unfaithfulness.

A rather scary smile that reminded Kaldur vaguely of Robin at his most vengeful spread across Cass’s face. “Then I hurt him…” she paused, the smile disappearing as she tilted her head to one side, trying to remember something, “Sixty times over. Jason’s idea.”

“If there is anything left of him once Batman is done,” Kaldur muttered, too low for Cass to hear. “I am glad to hear it, Cass. I am sure that you will be able to make him suffer greatly, should he hurt your brother.”

“I protect my family,” Cass said simply. “So do you.”

Kaldur smiled at her. “My family live far away from here, Cass. I do not need to protect them.”

“Not blood family,” Cass said, shaking her head. “Friend-family. Team-family. Family-not-blood. Family-love.” She slipped her hand into his. “For both of us. Blood… means nothing.”

Kaldur tightened his grip on her hand, wondering what _her_ blood family had done to her to make her so adamant about that subject. His eyes darted over her small form, searching for signs. His throat tightened. Despite being well-hidden by the uniform, there were still small, almost unnoticeable signs of old scars, and those were numerous. His experienced eyes identified them; broken legs, broken arms, and… were those _bullet wounds_?

He swallowed painfully. “Come along, Cass. We are meeting up with the others in the room we initially set up in.”

* * *

 

_(Private message: include only Jason, Artemis, Tim, Steph, Cass)_

_Well? Does he pass? –Jason_

_Yes. He passes. Dick and wally can be together. –Cass_

_What about Damian’s test? He’s chosen Plan #136! –Tim_

_#136? Oh crap. –Jason_

_Ooh, this will be fun. –Steph_

_What’s 136? –Artemis_

_Funny. –Cass_

_It was his own idea. It basically goes, ‘I bite him, and if he screams, he fails.’ –Jason_

_… –Artemis._

_Exactly. –Steph_

_We *could* stop it. –Tim_

_As if! –Jason_

_I want to see what happens! –Steph_

_I’ve got a lovely mental image. I want pictures of the real thing. –Artemis_

_Agreed! :) –Cass_

_… and, the smilies return. –Steph_

_SMILIE WAR! :D –Jason_

_How about we just warn him then? So Damian doesn’t insist on failing him, but we still get to see it? -_- –Tim_

_Ooh, is that the, ‘my siblings are really weird, but I’ll play along anyway’ face? XD –Steph_

_Yes. :P –Tim_

_So… the face you always use? XP –Jason_

_I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You guys are all strange. –Artemis_

_:) –Cass_

* * *

 

“My siblings are up to something,” Dick announced, looking up from his phone.

“What’s that expression that I feel the need to use so often around you? Oh yeah. _Duh_ ,” Babs said, rolling her eyes. “Your siblings are _always_ up to something!”

“Yeah, but a specific something! An incredibly detailed something that they’ve probably recruited Artemis for, and it’s a really weird something that they’re going to extreme lengths to keep away from me!”

“You honestly don’t know?” Babs asked, raising an eyebrow.

“… I don’t know what?”

“If you don’t know, Grayson, I’m not going to tell you.”

Dick looked white as a sheet. “What don’t I know? Babs, that’s not fair! You can’t just do that to me! I’m a curious person! Now I’ll never stop trying to figure it out!”

“Hey, if you haven’t guessed by now Grayson, you never will.”

“Gordan, you are _pure evil_.”

“Why, thank you!”

“Not a compliment!”

“Oh, you are _so_ wrong, Grayson.”


	23. A New Hope

Dick narrowed his eyes as he and Babs entered the classroom where this whole confusing misadventure had begun. The Team was standing around the teacher’s desk, phones out, but no one was typing; clearly, they were having a psychic conversation. His siblings were in the corner, clearly conspiring about something.

“You join them,” he muttered to Babs, nodding to his team. “I need to go try to figure out what my siblings are up to.”

Babs smiled her favorite _I-know-what’s-going-on-but-you-don’t-and-I-adore-this-situation_ smile. “Good luck with that,” she said, reaching out to ruffle his hair. He dodged her hand, glaring at her.

“I _will_ figure this out,” he vowed, glaring at her.

“Have fun!” Babs said perkily, blowing him a kiss before going to join the others. She tossed an arm over Artemis’s shoulders and joined the circle around the desk, inclining her head ever-so-slightly as M’gann linked her into the psychic conversation.

Cass waved at him as he prepared to ninja-eavesdrop, meaning that plan was foiled. Sighing, he joined his younger siblings in their huddle.

“Hey Dick!” Steph said. “These guys are so _cool_! Megan is soooooo much fun! She’s promised to help me with my cupcakes—” Jason and Tim snickered, and Cass’s smile widened “—and she and Conner and Kaldur are so much fun! We should hang out with them more often! Since they go to this school now, right?”

 _Right. Super-hearing_ , Dick thought. He looked over his siblings, all who oozed self-satisfaction and had very large, slightly scary smiles. _Uh-oh_. “What did you guys _do_?”

“Whatcha talkin’ about, Big D?” Jason asked, green eyes sparkling.

“You guys are up to _something_ ,” Dick said, trying to imitate Bruce’s _I’m-the-goddamn-Batman-and-you-should-be-completely-terrified_ voice. “Tell me what it is.”

Cass smiled her serene smile, and opened her mouth to answer. Jason reached over and placed a hand over her mouth. “We didn’t do anything!” He claimed, not even attempting to disguise the fact that he was lying. (Well, to a member of The Family. Anyone else probably would have been fooled.)

“What was it?” He turned his attention to Tim, hoping to appeal to the younger brother’s sense of hero worship. “What did you guys do?”

Tim and Steph exchanged smirks. “We’ll never tell!” Steph declared.

“I plead the fifth,” Tim said, making his eyes wide as he looked up at Dick.

“You can’t prove anything,” Damian said, crossing his arms and pouting. “Tim wiped the security footage.”

“There was _security footage_?” Dick asked, his voice cracking as it shot up an octave, sending his siblings into fits of laughter. Jason dropped his hand from covering Cass’s mouth, doubling over with laughter. Cass let out a series of very un-Cass-like giggles, which only furthered Steph’s cackles and Tim’s frantic, breathless laughter.

“Not anymore,” Tim panted, once he had recovered, grinning ear to ear.

“Guys, seriously, tell me what’s going on! You’ve let Artemis and Babs in on it—”

“Babs knows?” Jason asked, looking surprised.

“Tt,” Damian snorted. “Of course she does. She’s _Ba—_ ” he caught Cass’s glare, and amended his word as he said it. “—rbara Gordan.”

“But you guys won’t let me in on it!” He stuck out his outer lip in a pout; the same one that could win him any argument short of _please-give-me-the-last-cookie_ with Wally.

“Because you’d _stop_ us!” Steph said, rolling her eyes and ignoring her biggest brother’s pout. (Hers was six-times as effective; it had dulled her against anyone else’s.) “Artemis helps us, and Babs probably just thinks it’s funny!”

“What if I promise not to stop you?” Dick asked, perking up now that he had figured out the reason for his siblings’ deceit.

“Then you’d just get mad at us,” Jason said, pulling out his phone and typing something quickly.

“I won’t!” He said, grinning. “Come on, it can’t be _that_ bad!”

They exchanged glances, as if trying to decide. He grinned. He would be triumphant.


	24. Mmm Whatcha Say

_This will be the most difficult to coordinate_ , Kaldur warned. _There are numerous guards patrolling the hallways in pairs, and furthermore, if the text that Barbara—_

 _—Babs,_ the redhead corrected, in sync with Artemis. The two badass normals exchanged grins.

_—that Babs received from Bette Kane is correct, they have now realized that something is happening, and have posted guards in every classroom._

_Yeah, that’s the problem with them modern technology,_ Artemis said, shaking her head. _They announced it the moment that kids got out, and they’ve now caught on that something’s up. Should we suit up?_

 _I believe that would be unwise,_ Kaldur warned. _When they took the school hostage, they threatened a massacre if ‘capes’ were seen on campus. A group of civilians taking action would result in our own deaths at worse—which, while unpleasant—_

 _—Understatement of the year there, Kaldur,_ Wally interrupted.

_—which, while unpleasant, and highly undesirable, is more acceptable than the guards killing everyone else on campus._

_What about the kids?_ M’gann asked, leaning into Conner’s embrace. _They’re in danger, and_ they’re _only civilians! Can’t we find them someplace to hide?_

 _They would probably be safe in the ceiling,_ Conner suggested. _I mean, they wouldn’t be happy about it, but they’d be safe, and that’s what matters, right?_

 _Agreed. I believe we should suggest it to them. I do not deny that they have been of great help during the evacuation of the younger grades, but the fact still stands that they have not been trained, and should not be involved in this_ , Kaldur declared, his mouth set. _Babs, Artemis, you two will be a pair. M’gann and Conner shall team up as well. Wally and I will make up the final pair._

 _If we take advantage of ceilings to avoid hallways, we can take out the guards in the classrooms first,_ Wally offered.

 _Yeah, I don’t think that would be the best idea,_ Artemis said. _The guards in the hallways would just open fire then. We need to be a bit more careful—_

Just then, the door of the classroom burst open, revealing ten heavily armed guards, lead by a blonde, statuesque woman, in a red latex outfit that either screamed “cosplayer” or “assassin.” And judging from the two very realistic pistols she held, assassin was probably the better bet.

“Well, well, well,” she said, leveling a pistol at Kaldur, smirking, as her lackeys aimed theirs at various members of their group, “What do we have here?”

 _Could she pick a more cliché opening line if she **tried**? _ Artemis couldn’t help but ask.

The woman’s smile was predatory as she observed the room. “So you’re the kids who are causing all that trouble…” she said, shaking her head slowly. She stepped forward, and the guards followed her into the room—a dozen, all heavily armed.

 _Who is she?_ Wally thought. _Does anyone recognize her?_

 _I do,_ Artemis and Babs chorused. The two exchanged looks.

 _She’s Lady Vic,_ Artemis clarified. _An assassin. She operates mainly out of Blüdhaven._

 _Doesn’t she do work for the Shadows?_ Babs asked, watching Lady Vic look at the Wayne Children with a dangerous smile on her face. Cass was clinging to a struggling Damian, while Tim and Steph were gripping Jason’s arms, either to reassure themselves or to make sure he didn’t attack.

 _Only on a free-lance basis,_ Artemis replied. _She works for the highest bidder. But why an assassin is doing a job like this…_

“Boys, tie up the little heroes,” Lady Vic said, waving a hand towards the Team. “I’ve found what we came for.”

 _Oh, this can’t be good,_ Wally thought, eyes wide as Lady Vic walked towards the Batchildren.

“There you are,” Lady Vic told the kids. “You’ve put us through a whole lot of trouble, looking for all of you.”

“Sorry for that,” Steph snarked, her fingernails digging into Jason’s arm. “But you know how it is… we just kept getting lost in these hallways.”

“I’m sure,” Lady Vic said coldly. Then she reached out and grabbed a hold of Dick, pulling him towards her and pressing an old-fashioned looking flintlock pistol against Dick’s temple. “Now come along Richard.”

 _Shit_ , Artemis declared, which just about summed up the situation perfectly.

“Hey, sorry Lady, but Bruce is always telling me not to go anywhere with strangers…” Dick babbled, trying to twist out of Lady Vic’s hand and moving his head away from the gun the best that he could. “Really, I’m sure you’re very nice and all, but—”

“Really, I couldn’t care less,” Lady Vic told him flatly, all humor gone from her voice. “Come along quietly, Richard, or do we have to bring a few of your siblings along to make sure you behave?”

 _Thisisn’tgood,whatarewegoingtodoweneedtodosomething,wecan’tjustsithere!_ Wally nearly screamed, struggling slightly as he was tied to a chair.

 _Wally, CALM DOWN!_ Babs ordered. _We need to think carefully. Dick has a gun against his head. There are ten other guards, all aiming guns at us or the kids. If you move now, someone **will die**. And it is very likely to be Dick or one of his siblings. We need to think this through._

 _If we wait much longer, Dick will be gone!_ Wally protested. _If he’s what they came for, they’re going to just cut and run!_

Dick was still firmly in Lady Vic’s grip, very still and silent.

“What about the other children, ma’am?” one of the generic mooks asked, gesturing to Jason, Cass, Steph, Tim, and Damian. “Wayne might pay extra…”

“Don’t bother to think,” Vic said flatly, a slight British accent leaking through. “Our employer was _very_ clear. We only bring the eldest.”

“What should we do with them then?” Another guard asked, aiming his gun at Cass. The Team felt a rush of protective rage via Kaldur as the child he had been assigned to was threatened.

“Lock them out of this room, and then leave them. It’s not like they can do anything without _them_ ,” she indicated the Team.

“Yes ma’am.” Three guards pointed their guns at the kids. “You heard her! Scram!”

Jason swallowed visibly and made eye contact with Dick. He hesitated. “C’mon guys,” Jason said quietly, removing his arms from Steph and Tim’s grips. “We better go.”

Slowly, the five kids left the room.

“Excellent,” Vic said flatly. “Now that _that’s_ over with. You five,” she nodded to the mooks who had just finished tying the Team to the chairs, and then the chairs into a circle. “You’re with me. The rest of you, stay in the school until I send you the order. When I do, grab hostages of your own and make for the rendezvous point. Keep an eye on _them_ through the security cameras, now that we’ve reset them. You see them move at _all_ …” she looked right at the Team, and bared her teeth in what might be considered a smile, but only by the loosest definition of the word. “Pick a classroom of your choice, and open fire.”

She nudged Dick with the barrel of her gun. “Come along, Richard. We’ve got an appointment to keep.” She steered Wally’s boyfriend out the door, and it slammed behind her.


	25. Rule #4

Jason stopped them in a classroom several hallways down from the history classroom where the Team had been. This classroom was empty, like the previous one, and it also enjoyed the added advantage of no security cameras.

Jason turned his attention to his siblings, unsure of what he was going to see. Cass clutched Damian tightly in her arms, either to restrain him or for her own comfort, Jason wasn’t sure. Damian looked like he was about to cry; which kind of freaked Jason out, because Damian threw temper-tantrums, pouted, and raged at the world, but he certainly didn’t _cry_. Tim was on the verge of a panic attack, gripping the backpack that contained his precious tech with white-knuckled fingers. Steph had tears on her face, but she looked more furious than upset.

He closed the door, and took a deep breath.

Sure enough, moments later, Steph was on him, punching, scratching, kicking, and dammit, it was not a laughing matter when someone who had been trained by Batman was attacking. Jason dodged and blocked, letting her lash out, knowing that he would _not_ be able to calm her down yet.

“St-St-Steph,” Tim managed through his labored breathing, “St-st-sto-stop!”

Steph ignored the most sensible Batchild in favor of socking Jason on the jaw, sending the red-haired boy sprawling. “How could you just _leave_ him?” She screamed, eyes overflowing again. “They were going to take him away, and you just _left_ him, when he _needed_ us! We should’ve—”

“What?” Jason demanded, getting to his feet, deliberately _not_ rubbing where her fist had landed. “We should have what?”

Steph was silent.

“What would you have had me do Steph, huh? Attack then and there? Get Dick and jeeze, I don’t know, _all of us_ killed?”

She swallowed, and looked down.

“Look, I know you’re scared for Dick. We’re _all_ scared. But we can’t let that stop us from being able to work together! We need each other. Now more than ever.”

The kids looked at each other, and nodded as one. Cass placed Damian on the ground, determination on her face. “What we need to do?” Her voice was flat and dangerous.

Jason took a deep breath. And somewhere in his mind, a plan began to form.

“We can’t just let the Team loose,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “Everybody knows that Batman keeps metas out of Gotham at all costs, and if a bunch of them show up to save Dick Grayson, when Batman or Robin don’t show…”

“They’ll know Batman’s out of town,” Tim concluded, loosening his grip on the backpack as his breath regulated once again. “That means chaos.”

“So basically, the Team can’t save Dick,” Steph said, crossing her arms. “But Batman can’t either.”

“And there’s no way in hell Wally will let Batgirl save Dick on her own,” Jason nodded.

“So Batgirl or Robin need to save Dick, but Barbara can’t because of Dick’s protective boyfriend. Where does that leave us?” Steph asked.

“No way,” Tim said, looking at Jason’s face with wide eyes. “You’re not seriously going to—”

Jason grinned at Tim.

“Wait, what’s going on? Did I miss something?” Steph asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Jason was all business now. “Tim, give the lock-picks to Damian. You suck at lock-picking, but D’s nearly as good as Dick or me. D, you get past the guards and get the door open to get the Team out. Tim, I need you to hack the cameras again, and make sure they don’t reboot the system this time. After that, I need you to hack into the city’s security grid to track down Lady Psycho and her trade-marked goons. Steph, round up Artemis and Babs’s supplies. The rest of the Team have their supplies already, so they’ll be fine. Cass, you’re with me. On the way, you have to tell me everything you know ‘bout Lady Vic.”

Cass looked at him, clearly reading his intentions correctly. She nodded as dark brown eyes met green.

“I still don’t get it, what are you doing?” Steph demanded, although she was clearly getting the idea, going by the look on her face.

Jason flashed a grin. “Robin and Batgirl need to save Dick Grayson. So Robin and Batgirl are going to save Dick Grayson.”

* * *

 

Miles away, in a cave underneath a mansion, a man named Alfred Pennyworth sat up slightly, as if he sensed something was about to happen.

Moments later, the mobile phone that Bruce Wayne had purchased for the reluctant butler on the grounds that the kids needed _someone_ sensible to keep an eye on them while he was gone went off. Alfred paused, as though he was worried as to what he would find, but slid the device open.

_Breaking Rule #4. Sorry Alfred! –Jason_

Alfred Pennyworth let out a long suffering sigh. “Master Bruce is not going to be happy about this,” he observed to the Batcave at large. Titus and Ace raised their heads slightly from their napping position curled up together on the floor.

* * *

 

As the Javelin re-entered the atmosphere of Earth, Batman twitched slightly. “Something wrong, Bats?” Barry Allen asked, squinting at his friend.

“I don’t know,” Bruce said, voice as worried as Batman’s voice was allowed to be.


	26. Eagle One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhhh... oops? Sorry, things got hectic, so schedule slip happened.

The supplies that Jason and Cass needed were hidden in a secret compartment in the ceiling passage. A ten digit-passcode (SUPERMAN42—never say Batman lacked a sense of humor) and an ocular scan of a member of the Family was needed to open it, and Jason made sure to wear gloves. He might be breaking Rule #4, but that didn’t mean he didn’t respect Rule #2 (protect the Family secret).

The door swung open slowly, revealing an impressive collection of weapons, Kevlar, and spandex.

“Don’t need that,” Jason muttered, shifting the heavy chest plate of the Batsuit to one side. “Don’t get why Dad had Dick stash one here anyways.”

“He is Batman,” Cass pointed out, although her smile and raised eyebrow indicated that she had noticed the slip.

“Right, right, ‘always be prepared’ and all that,” Jason said, passing the Batgirl costume to Cass before grabbing the Robin costume for himself. The two exchanged excited smiles—despite everything, the two had wanted this for far too long. “Shall we?”

The siblings turned their backs to each other, and quickly began to change. Jason tugged on the layers of spandex and Kevlar, pulled on the steel toed boots (he winced there—Dick had tiny feet), pulled on the gloves, and fastened the cape tightly around his neck. From the depths of the belt he extracted a fresh domino mask. He ran his gloved finger along the edge of the mask, activating the clinging material which would hold it to his face. He pressed it over his eyes, and grinned.

He was ready.

He turned to face his sister, striking one of Dick’s favorite dramatic poses. “How do I look?”

Cass tossed him the aerosol can of black spray-dye from his backpack. “Red.”

“ _Right_ …” He looked at Cass, who was fiddling with the red wig that Steph had stashed with the Batgirl costume.

“So, do I look like Robin?” Jason said, running his fingers through his newly blackened hair.

“No.”

He sighed. “Sorry, let me say it again; do I look like Robin to someone who is _not_ his sister, _or_ a highly trained body language reader?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Then let’s head out!”

Cass slipped her hand into his, and the two exchanged smiles.

“Feeling the aster,” Cass said.

“Totally,” Jason agreed.

* * *

 

Flying was everything Jason had imagined it to be, only better. He soared over the rooftops of Gotham, his feet barely touching the roofs as he raced Cass.

Despite everything, a laugh tore its way out of his throat. Cass gave him a look, before a laugh of her own echoed his.

Training simulations and bookcases in the library of the Manor had nothing on this, the real thing, Jason thought as the grappling guns went off in sync, and the two of them soared through the air. This was real.

Adrenaline rushed in his ears, and Jason ran faster, knowing that they needed to get to Dick, and fast. He didn’t trust that Lady Vic, not one bit.

And why would somebody _only_ want Dick? The whole thing was suspicious, Jason thought, biting his lip. Something was really off with this situation, and Jason didn’t like it.

“Got anything for me, Oracle?” He asked Timmy over the comm.

“Stop calling me that,” Tim complained, and Jason heard the sound of rapid typing.

“Come up with a code-name for yourself, and I will!” He said, ignoring the people who were pointing at the two of them.

“I told you, call me—”

“I am _not_ calling you Red Robin.”

“Cute,” Cass said serenely.

“Red Robin’s _not_ cute!” Tim protested. “It’s totally a super-hero hacker name!”

“More like a restaurant chain,” Jason sniped. “Oracle’s a much better name for a hacker.”

“I don’t like it,” Tim grumbled.

“Whatever, what’ve you got for me?” Jason said, landing on the rooftop with a somersault and springing to his feet.

“I’m slowing them down by manipulating traffic flow,” Tim said, still typing. “Oh, and look at this!”

“Whatcha got?”

“The two-forty Gotham-Metropolis train is going to be passing you in a minute… that should help you get back their headstart.”

“You’re a genius, Double R,” Jason said with a grin.

“What _is_ it with you and initials?” Tim asked, rolling his eyes, but sounding pleased that Jason was using his chosen moniker.

“How’re the others?” Jason asked.

“Damian’s making progress on the door, Steph’s avoiding patrols, and oh! Guess who decided to show up?”

“Who?” Cass asked.

“Red Arrow.”

“You’re kidding,” Jason said, delighted.

“Nope. He’s scaling the walls as I speak,” Tim said, sounding annoyed. “I’ve circumvented the cameras, so they don’t know he’s here. Oh look, now he’s taking out the cameras. If they weren’t WayneTech, it would work.”

“We might want to do something about that…” Jason said thoughtfully. “Other people do buy WT cameras.”

“I’ll talk to Bruce about it,” Tim said absently. “Oh fun, now he’s taking out the guards.”

“How long will it take him to get to the Team?”

“Oh, you know…” There was more typing. “Ten minutes. Better hurry.”

“On it!” Jason said, turning his head to the left with a grin as the Gotham-Metropolis train approached. “Ready Cass?”

She slipped her hand into his. “Ready!”

The two of them jumped onto the speeding locomotive.

* * *

 

 _Remain calm,_ Kaldur said firmly. _I have successfully alerted Red Arrow. He will surely arrive soon—_

 _Not soon enough to save Dick!_ Wally practically shouted. _We’ve got to get out of here!_

 _Focus, Wally!_ Barbara snarled. _Cameras, remember? No using powers, or your secret gets blown a mile wide, not to mention a bunch of kids get slaughtered._

 _I do not suppose you have an electronic jammer on you?_ Kaldur inquired.

 _In my locker, along with my other supplies,_ Babs sighed. _Anyways, a loss of signal would alert them._

 _We’ll think of something,_ M’gann said, trying to sound reassuring. _We’ll save Dick._


	27. Freaking Bats and their freaking crypticness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! So, I realize I've been gone for... a really long time. (Oops?) But I promised myself I was going to finish one big project at a time, so I could whittle down my massive WIP list. I just finished one massive fic for Batman comics proper, and now it's time to wrap up this universe! Hopefully updates will be a lot more frequent now, and we'll actually get to the end on this one! 
> 
> Thanks guys for your patience!

The van lurched to a stop. Dick nearly fell over, unable to really control his balance with plastic zip-ties cutting off the circulation in his ankles and wrists. Lady Vic got to her feet, her face dangerous.

“What happened?” She demanded, rounding on one of the three goons that accompanied her and Dick in the back of the van.

The man held a hand to his ear, pressing the button on his comm. “Don’t know. Communications are down.”

Vic drew her pistol, her eyes flashing. “ _Batman_ ,” she hissed. She grabbed Dick, pulling him towards her and pressing the barrel of her gun against his temple. “Open the door. Batman needs a reminder of what happens in hostage situations.”

“Ma’am, are you sure?” One of the guards said. “Shouldn’t we just focus on fixing the problem?”

Vic shoved Dick to the floor, where he landed hard and painfully on the ground, unable to control his fall. She stalked towards the mook, her eyes hard. “Yes, I am sure.” She slammed the butt of her pistol into his face harshly. The man cried out and recoiled from her, blood trickling down his face. “ _Don’t_ question me again.” She returned to where Dick lay, grabbing him by the hair and hauling him up, ignoring Dick’s quiet grunts of pain. “Now open. Those. Doors.”

The two goons who Lady Vic hadn’t pistol-whipped opened the doors and exited the van; machine guns nestled comfortably in their arms.

Dick struggled in her grip as he was dragged out of the van, mind racing as he tried to figure out what was going on and who had stopped the van.

They had been stopped in a quieter part of Gotham, by the train tracks. In the distance, two police cars idled, clearly afraid of coming any closer.

The three guards, Lady Vic, and Dick stood just outside the van, eyes scanning the quickly darkening skyline.

There was a soft whistling noise. The three goons who had left the vehicle collapsed to the ground. Dick craned his neck, trying to see what was going on.

“Batman!” Vic yelled, her long fingernails digging into Dick’s shoulder. “Show yourself!”

Behind them, there were sounds of muffled thumping that sounded like someone being beaten into submission. The barrel pressed further into Dick’s temple.

Smoke billowed up around them suddenly as what Dick estimated to be five smoke pellets were thrown to the ground. Shiva snarled, pulling the gun away from Dick and firing randomly around them five times. The pistol quickly returned to its normal place. Because of the (rather awkward) way he was held against her, he could hear her heart was speeding up. If he wasn’t so confused as to what was going on (and pretty sure she might actually shoot him if she got too nervous), he might have been amused.

Well, he was amused anyways, but he wasn’t going to _show_ it.

“I’ll kill him!” Vic yelled, face twisted into a mask of rage. “I _will_!”

There was a thud behind them. Vic rotated in an instant, dragging Dick with her.

Between them and the van, straightening up with the smoke billowing up around him, was Robin.

A cocky, familiar smile crossed Robin’s face. “I doubt that.”

* * *

Dick couldn’t believe his eyes. There was absolutely, positively,  _no way in hell_ —

Oh wait. It was Jason.

 _Shit_.

Lady Vic’s long fingernails dug into the flesh of Dick’s shoulder. “Stop right there!” She said, the barrel of the gun pressed against his temple. Dick tried to keep his breathing even, twisting his hands in the zipties that fastened them behind his back in desperate hope that they would come loose.

Vaguely, he realized that Lady Vic’s goons were now slumped on the ground, unconscious. When had Jason had the time to do that?

“You’d seriously shoot him?” Jason taunted, his favorite mocking grin on his face. “Your meal ticket?”

“Shut up!” Lady Vic snarled. “Or I’ll shoot _you_!”

“Have fun with that, Lady!” Jason said, stepping closer.

Dick let out a hiss of pain as she pulled him closer by his hair, her gun moving to underneath his chin.

“Stay back, boy,” Lady Vic demanded, her British accent, all prim and proper and upper class, slipping through. “I don’t have much to lose, now, do I?”

Jason paused where he was, his face carefully, scholarly blank. Dick knew that look. He was Jason’s goddamn _brother_ , he knew that look.

That was the _I am really going to enjoy your face when you realize I was the decoy_ look.

Suddenly, there was the sound of a landing behind him, and Lady Vic twisted around just in time to see Cass’s gloved fist race forward to meet her face.

Jason lunged for the gun, twisting it out of her hand and wrenching it away. Cass plunged her hand towards Lady Vic’s diaphragm, knocking the wind out of her. Jason, a blur of movement in his own right, disarmed the pistol, letting the bullets fall to the concrete, useless. He threw the gun away, the antique flintlock carelessly dinging a nearby car as it flew out of the battle.

Dick found himself shoved to the ground, Lady Vic concentrating on fighting his siblings instead of controlling him now that her weapons were gone. He tried to control his fall, but with his hands fastened numbingly tight behind his back, there wasn’t much he could do.

He rolled away from the stomping feet, tucking himself underneath the van. He looked around, hoping to find something sharp to help him cut his bonds with. However, his siblings had not been considerate enough to leave him a casual batarang.

They’d have to have words about that.

* * *

Roy was  _not_ happy.

“Fuck, shit, fucking shit,” he growled under his breath as he tried to trace Kaldur’s tracker.

“Hi!”

Roy yelped and dropped the WaynePhone he’d been using, only narrowly catching it.

He stared. Stephanie Brown, professional menace, was grinning at him, holding what appeared to be Artemis’s collapsible bow and another odd, lumpy bag.

“What are you doing here?” He said, stomach filled with dread.

“Looking for you!” Stephanie grinned. “C’mon, the team need a rescue. And you might need to sedate Wally.”

“Do I want to know?” Roy asked, reluctantly following the blonde girl into the depths of the school.

She gestured him into the air ducts, and didn’t answer his question.

Freaking Bats and their freaking crypticness. 


	28. Mexico or Bust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy Harper hates Gotham City. The feeling is mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, thank you guys so much for all the love! I'm so glad you're all excited to get back to this fic; I am too! And now? Let's see what they've been up to.

Roy Harper had first met Stephanie Brown at a party. He’d tried to be nice to her, since he’d known that getting adopted into a family as chaotic and wild as the Waynes couldn’t be easy.

By the end of the night, she’d used his sympathy to lure him into a booby trap set by Jason and Dick, and he’d ended up covered in bright purple paint.

Ever since then, Roy Harper had known better than to trust her.

“What’s happening?” He demanded, twisting around to look at her over his shoulder.

“I’ll explain later!” She was impatient, and gave him a kick, sending him clanging against the grate.

“Steph!” He snapped.

“We’re here!” She pushed him down, and he landed in a sprawl on the ground.

“Roy!” Kaldur cried out, and Roy pushed himself up, staring at the sight before him.

“Why are you guys tied to chairs?” He demanded, reaching up to his quiver to get something sharp.

“Security footage is looped!” Stephanie chirped, landing on the ground with the sort of grace that comes from Dick Grayson being a teacher. Roy glared at her, wondering what, exactly, she was mad at him for this time. She was definitely being petty about _something_. He just didn’t know what.

There was a sudden blur of action as they all break out. Artemis and Barbara run for Steph, snatching the bags from her and quickly beginning to grab their equipment out of it.

“Lady Vic has captured Dick Grayson!” Kaldur said, grabbing Roy’s hand when Roy offered it, and pulling himself up to his feet. “We must move quickly if we are to save him!”

Roy grew very still, and then reached around to grab Stephanie by the arm. “ _Where are your siblings_?” He demanded.

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him. “None of your business!”

“Damn it!” Roy said. “We’ve got to hurry, they’re probably already in costume! Dick has at least three spares in this building alone!”

“Costumes?” Conner asked, looking very still.

“I’m a bit more worried about the _weapons_!” Roy snapped. “Batman is going to kill them, and then he’s going to move on to me, so let’s get _going_!”

M’gann yelped, her hand clasped over her mouth. “ _Wally_! Why didn’t you tell us that Dick was Robin!”

“Rules!” Stephanie said, suddenly grinning very widely.

Roy froze. “They didn’t know.”

“Nope!” Barbara said, although she was sharing a _look_ with Artemis.

Roy mentally wondered what his odds of making it to Mexico were if he started running right now. If he dyed his hair and changed his name, he might be able to get there before Batman got back from space. He figured he’d look acceptable as a brunette. There were too many red heads around anyhow.

“Roy!” Kaldur placed his hand on Roy’s shoulder. “We can worry about that later! Right now, Dick— _Robin—_ is still in danger!” He turned to Stephanie. “Stephanie. Who went after them?”

“Jason and Cass,” Stephanie said. Roy glared at her. She beamed innocently at him.

Roy wondered what he had done to deserve this. He also wondered if Kaldur would join him in Mexico. Maybe they could get a nice little house on the beach. Roy could learn to fish. He could say it would be romantic.

“If Cass went, they’ll be alright,” Barbara said, having managed to change already.

“You can’t go!” Stephanie pointed out. “Cass has the costume! There can’t be _two_ Batgirls!”

Barbara frowned. “You kids cause so much trouble,” she said.

“No powers, either!” Stephanie said, crossing her arms. “You guys know the rules!”

“Dick is in _danger_!” Wally looked like he was nearly about to charge out, bullets and armed guards be damned.

“We have it under control!” Stephanie snapped.

“Fine!” Artemis snapped, her mask firmly in place. “Roy and I don’t have powers, and I’m a known element in Gotham. We’ll head out, give them reinforcements, and then Roy can go have his freak-out where it won’t be inconvenient.”

“I am _not_ freaking out!” Roy snapped.

They all looked at him.

“You said that part about Mexico out loud,” Stephanie told him helpfully.

Roy wondered if his life would still be this complicated if he had just stayed Ollie’s sidekick. Dealing with Mia, Sin and Connor was freaking _relaxing_ compared to this. Hell, eating Ollie’s chili was relaxing compared to this.

Gotham City, Roy decided, following Artemis into the air vents, was definitely out to get him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the team now knows!!! O_o 
> 
> But what's happening with Dick? What are Tim and Damian up to? What's Lady Vic's evil plan? Will Roy make it to Mexico?? When will Dick and Wally get to kiss again???
> 
> All of these questions and more will be answered in upcoming chapters, don't worry! XD


	29. Everybody was Kung-Fu Fighting (Except Dick)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick Grayson has many problems, and his siblings are responsible for most of them.

Richard John Grayson’s current list of problems, in no particular order

 **The First:** His little brother was currently wearing _his_ costume. Which was rude, even if it was saving his life.

 **The Second:** Bruce was going to kill him.

 **The Third:** Wally was probably not going to be very happy with him for all of the cheating and secret identity problems.

 **The Fourth:** His hands were still tied, and it was _irritating_.

 **The Fifth:** There was still a lot of fighting going on, and it was cramped underneath the van.

 **The Sixth:** Had he mentioned Bruce was going to kill him?

At least Cass was having a good time. She looked slightly ridiculous in the red wig, but she was pounding on Lady Vic with a vengeance. She probably was not too pleased about the whole hostage thing. Jason was also getting hits in—they’d probably negotiated this on the train ride over.

Then Lady Vic’s hench people got up. Jason immediately turned away from fighting Lady Vic, and pounced on the goons with a worrying enthusiasm.

Dick sighed, and tried to angle his head so he could give notes after the fight was over. Cass’s technique was impeccable as ever, although she was forgetting to guard herself again. Luckily, Lady Vic didn’t have a gun, and the mooks were too busy dealing with Jason to shoot her. But Bruce wouldn’t be happy to realize that Cass was fighting like she was about to take a bullet again.

Cass looked surprisingly at home in the Batgirl costume. Dick glanced up, trying to see if there were security cameras.

If Bruce saw this, he knew the odds of Cass being allowed into the field in the near future were very likely.

He thought about the notebook full of costume ideas, hidden under Cass’s bed. He suspected that at least one of those designs would become reality relatively soon.

Jason, meanwhile, was depending a bit too much on his own strength and flash. Dick did, however, appreciate the fact that he was taking the time to make the henchmen collide with each other. “Stop hitting each other!” Jason crowed, kicking one of them in the butt, sending him flying.

Dick resolved to discuss proper fight banter with his siblings. Maybe he could hold a seminar. Conner needed some work too. Actually, maybe he should bring the whole team. It could be a thing. He and Wally could host. They could have matching outfits. It would be nauseatingly cute. Artemis could throw things at them. It would be a fun time.

Of course, Bruce was probably going to ground him forever and ever and then lock him in his room without his phone and forbid him from ever seeing Wally again. And all because Artemis had figured it out, too. It wasn’t even his fault!

And that reminded him of another item on his list.

 **The Seventh:** Dick still didn’t know what his siblings were planning or why.

Dick managed to find a sharp edge on the underside of the van, and rolled onto his back to try to cut through the zip-ties that were still keeping them bound. It was a long shot, and his odds of cutting himself were pretty high, but since no one had thought to give him anything sharp yet, Dick figured it was worth a shot. Besides, he’d figured out what notes he was going to give his siblings. Everything was going to be fine.

“I’ve got you, you little brat!” Lady Vic said. She’d managed to catch Cass by the cape, and was dangling her in midair, and was looking pretty proud of herself. Cass just hung there, looking perfectly serene. Dick narrowed his eyes. What was Cass up to? Why had she let Lady Vic catch her?

That was when Dick realized that Jason was nowhere to be seen.

“Made you look,” Cass said cheerfully, her smile wide and adorable, and then a volley of arrows rained down on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's summer! Sorry updates kind of dropped off, turns out my semester was a lot harder than I expected it would be. But now we're on the final stretch! I've outlined the rest of the chapters, and we're wrapping this baby up! 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me so far, you all have been so amazing.


	30. Arrow to the Knee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is the reference in the chapter title a bit dated? maybe, but I don't care.

Artemis was still trying to determine just how much of this the kids had planned.

She wondered what it said about her, that she was perfectly willing to consider the idea that a handful of pre-teens had lured Roy Harper to Gotham and then goaded him until he spilled Dick’s secret identity.

She decided, given who she was talking about, it didn’t say anything about her. It just said plenty about the kids in question.

Roy still looked in shock, a look Artemis was slowly beginning to realize was a frequent symptom of sudden exposure to Bats. She was sure she’d had similar expressions throughout the day. However, Artemis wasn’t as nice as the people who’d been around her. She took a picture. For posterity. She could show it at Roy’s funeral, after Batman killed him for spilling the secret identities.

“So,” she said. He must _really_ be in shock, because he wasn’t even protesting her taking the lead on this. On a different person, she’d say it was bowing to her greater experience with the city. With Roy Harper, it surely was a sign that he was still trying to map out his route to Mexico. Even though she doubted he would actually leave without Kaldur. “How did you meet the kids?”

Roy _flinched_. Oh, she’d have to get the story out of them later. The real story, not whatever cleaned up version Roy would offer up. She might not have known the Bats very long, but she knew they would adore bragging about causing minor trauma to superheroes.

Today had basically been one long example of just how much fun they could have with it. Poor Wally. At least the others would be lightening up, now that they knew the truth.

And after the whole hostage scare, she was pretty sure she and Babs might be able to get the kids to suspend the final tests.

She redoubled her speed, reminded of the gravity of the situation. Sure, Jason and Cass might have things under control, but Tim was telling her through her communicator that the fight was still ongoing, and they need to end this _now_.

They got to the scene, and began to nock their arrows, but they had to stop and stare for a moment.

Jason and Cassandra were fighting with a skill that was, frankly, awe-inspiring. Jason was burtal and strong for his size. He wasn’t an acrobat like Dick; his moves were more grounded and sturdy. He planted himself like a rock and _punched_ with a force behind his fists that Dick could never manage. Cassandra was almost speedster-fast, darting around, fluid and graceful. It was almost like a dance, watching her.

They were a good team, and they were both strong in their own rights. It was incredible.

Cassandra glanced up at them, and gave a wide, eager grin. And then she _waved_.

Artemis winked. Jason looked up, and smirked broadly when he spotted them. With a flare of his cape and a backflip that was very Dick in execution, he vanished into the shadows.

Cass allowed herself to be caught. Her communicator was on.

“Made you look,” Cass taunted, and Artemis grinned as she and Roy began to empty their quivers.

They were never at risk of hitting Cass—she leapt between the arrows as if they were miles apart, and rolled underneath the van, joining Dick, who seemed _very_ annoyed, if the noise coming in over the communicator was any indicator.

Artemis and Roy stopped firing, and they exchanged a brief grin.

Lady Vic was very thoroughly trapped up to her neck in polyurethane foam. She was not about to go anywhere anytime soon, and neither were her hapless and unconscious henchmen, who they had spared a few arrows for.

Cassandra shoved a now untied Dick out from under the van. Dick was beginning to give off the air of a cat whose tail had been trod on, in addition to other indignities such as falling off a counter, being refused a lap to sit on, and the food dish being empty.

“Thank you, _Batgirl_ ,” Dick said, through what sounded like gritted teeth. Cass was now perched on top of the van, Jason beside her. Both of them wore identical shit-eating grins.

“No problem, citizen!” Jason and Cass high-fived each other. “Stay safe!”

“Wayne Manor is going to be a war zone for the next six weeks,” Roy said. “Hell, the entire _city_. Last time they got into a prank war, they glitter bombed Lex Luthor in the middle of his interview with Lois Lane on live TV.”

Artemis collapsed her bow. “I’m pretty sure Dick’s going to get wiped off the map if he plays against his siblings,” she said mildly.

“You’d be surprised,” Roy said darkly. Now Artemis was _very_ curioius.

That reminded her. She took out her phone and sent off the picture she’d taken of Roy’s face to the group chat.

Good things should be shared, after all.

“But what _did_ she want with Dick?” Roy asked as they turned around, only to find Jason and Cass waiting for them.

“Bruce will figure that out,” Jason said with a shrug. “We should probably go back to school.”

“Please tell me that hair dye comes out in the sink,” Artemis said, tugging on an artificially black strand, causing Jason to yelp and scowl at her.

“It does,” Cass said cheerfully. She patted Roy on the arm. “Bruce does not kill,” she added. “You will live.”

“Maybe,” Roy said, but he didn’t sound very sure. Artemis snorted.

“C’mon,” she said to Jason and Cass. “Let’s see if we can beat Dick back to campus.”

“Why would Dick go back to campus?” Roy demanded. “He was just _kidnapped_! He’ll be spending the next week in the police station.”

“I stand corrected. Let’s get back to campus so we can intercept Wally’s mad dash for the police station.”

“Fun,” Cass said, grinning. Roy shuddered slightly, as if on reflex.

Clearly, Artemis mused as they began to make a running leap for the train, the kids had trained him well.


	31. Thanks for Noticing

They intercepted the rest of the Team on the way to the police station.

Or, rather, Babs managed to intercept them by nearly running them over with a gigantic white van that she’d managed to procure from somewhere.

“Where did you get this van?” Roy asked, but he sounded so exasperated at everything that he got in without protest.

“We’ve got a privacy curtain in the back,” Kaldur said calmly. He was all but sitting on Wally to keep him in place, and his smile was slightly strained. “I suggest you all get changed into civilian clothes.” He gave Jason and Cass a _look_ that managed to convey an amazing combination of pride, disappointment, and amusement. The two of them were completely unaffected by it, and proceeded to run towards their siblings, who eagerly awaited to hear further details of their heroic excursion.

Artemis went first, quickly changing back into her school uniform before going up to the front of the van to see Babs.

“How did Cass do?” Babs asked, glancing up at Artemis as she pushed past the bead curtain divide between the front and back of the van.  Artemis was now _very_ curious about the origin of this van. She wondered if it was another one of the Bat contingencies, given how roomy it was.

“Pretty good,” Artemis said, sliding into the passenger seat next to Babs and buckling her seatbelt. “Of course, the original’s more my type, but…”

Babs slammed on the brakes to stop for a red light before turning to gape at Artemis. “Wait. Are you _hitting on me_?”

Artemis gave Babs an incredulous look. “You haven’t _noticed_?”

Babs’s mouth fell open, gob smacked. She looked rather like a fish. A very pretty fish, but a fish nevertheless. “Oh my god,” she muttered, flushing. “You’ve—you’ve been—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Artemis said, a bit put out that Babs hadn’t picked up on it before now. All that effort, _wasted_. “How did you not—?”

“I…” Babs’s bright green eyes glazed over as she mentally ran through every interaction of theirs for the past few weeks. Probably the past few _months_ , if Artemis was being honest with herself, since she was pretty sure she’d started flirting with Babs before consciously deciding to do it. “Oh my god. I don’t know how I _didn’t_.”

Artemis groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Babs, for a genius…”

“Don’t say it,” Babs said, starting driving again as the Gotham traffic resumed. “I’ll pay for the first date if you don’t say it.”

Artemis’s spine straightened, and a slow grin began to make its way across her face. “Wait, are you serious?”

Babs was flushing brightly and biting her lip. Artemis decided that it was a _great_ look on Babs, and took note for the future. “I mean. If you want to?”

Artemis beamed, and leaned over to kiss Babs on the cheek quickly, which made Babs blush an even more impressive shade of red. “ _Yes_!” She pumped her fist into the air, practically radiating smugness.

“Oh, did she finally agree to go on a date?” Jason asked, slipping into the front of the van with a confident swagger and a smirk. His hair was slicked back and wet, and back to its natural state of red, as if an entire water bottle had been dumped on his head. (It had. Artemis had heard Steph’s victory cheer a few seconds earlier.)

“You _knew_?” Babs screeched, betrayed, risking a glance over her shoulder to give Jason a disappointed look. “I thought you guys were on _my_ side!”

“Your mistake,” Cass said, smiling serenely as she too wandered into the front. She was changed back into her uniform as well, the red wig from earlier dangling from her fingertips. She dropped it on Artemis’s lap with a smile.  

“We’re on no one’s side but our own!” Steph draped her arm over Cass’s shoulders, beaming widely.  

Artemis raised her eyebrow as her phone began to vibrate with more text messages from Tim, who was already screen-capping the security footage of the fight and sending it to all of them with commentary. “That so?”

Jason paused, considering. “ _Maybe_ we’re on your side,” he allowed.  

“Ha!” Artemis said to Babs.

“ _How_ did you win those brats over so quickly?” Babs demanded, glaring at Jason in the mirror. Jason smirked at her before returning to the back to harass Wally.

“That’s an excellent question, but I’m not going to complain with the results,” Artemis said.

Babs sighed. “How did the costume fit, Cass?”

“Big,” Cass said with a shrug. “I don’t like the mask.”

“I’m sure Bruce will come up with something better for you,” Babs said, smiling at Cass, who beamed excitedly back. Artemis glanced at her, and hid her own smile.

Babs had come to the same conclusion that Artemis had. There was no way Batman was going to keep those kids off the streets for much longer, not after today.

Gotham had better get ready; there were a lot of new vigilantes on the way.

“We’re here!” Babs declared, and Wally had to be restrained by Conner to stop him from leaping out of the still-moving vehicle.

Finally, they managed to get inside.

“Wally!” Dick was grinning widely, and Wally surged forward at a relatively human speed, grabbing Dick in a tight hug that quickly turned into a kiss.

“Eh,” Jason said from next to Artemis, crossing his arms and looking bored. “I’ve seen better.”

“Nice lead up with the hug though,” Tim said idly, fiddling with his phone to take blackmail photos for later. Or at least, that’s what Artemis assumed he was taking pictures for.

“Humph,” Damian said from his position in Conner’s arms, scowling in the way that no pre-schooler should be able to scowl.  

“Woo! Go Dick!” Steph yelled, clapping excitedly.  

Cass held up a piece of paper with a large **9** written on it in sharpie, holding it above her head like a scorecard. Kaldur glanced at her. “How long have you been carrying that around?” He asked quietly.

Cass grinned. “All day.”

“They’re Batman’s kids,” Artemis reminded him. “Gotta be prepared and all that.”

Kaldur let out a quiet groan. Roy placed an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry,” Roy said. “I know they’re a headache and a half.” Steph kicked him in the shin. “That doesn’t disprove my point, Brown!” Roy snapped.

“You’re fighting with a middle schooler,” Artemis noted, smirking.  

“She started it!”

“Artemis?” M’gann asked, worriedly. “How long can humans last without oxygen? I’m starting to get worried for Dick.”

Artemis glanced at the two of them. “Ah, let them have their fun. Bruce is about to ground Dick so hard he’s never going to see the light of day again. It might be a while before they get another chance.”

“Ooh! I see tongue!” Steph announced.

“Ew,” Jason and Tim chorused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Babs and Artemis finally get together! And things are winding down! 
> 
> Coming up next: Dick has to deal with the fallout of his lies...


	32. A Civilized Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long guys; vacation and sickness and lack of inspiration and Voltron and lots of other stuff happened. Anyways, we're counting down! Creeping closer to the end. Thanks for sticking with me so long!

When the chaos cleared, M’gann opened up the psychic connection.

 _< So,> _M’gann thought, pleasantly as possibly, although there was a slightly cutting tone to her voice which made Dick flinch slightly, because he was included in the link, which meant that they _knew_. Oops.  < _Anything you need to tell us, Robin? >_

Dick managed to keep his face perfectly straight. < _Who spilled? > _Even his mental voice sounded exhausted.

< _Roy, > _everyone chorused. Roy crossed his arms and looked away.

< _I thought they knew_! > He protested, petulantly.

< _In his defense,_ > Artemis felt Roy’s eyes bore into the back of her head as she leaned against Babs’ shoulder. < _I’m pretty sure your siblings tricked him into it. > _

Her phone buzzed in her lap.

_Are you guys psychic talking without us? –Jason_

_Rude. :(  –Cass_

She sent a mental projection of her phone screen to the others. M’gann sent a wave of curiosity towards Dick. _< Well?> _

Dick’s mental groan was the kind that only the longest suffering of elder siblings could manage. < _Fine. Do it. > _

M’gann smiled, and the link spread out softly, integrating the rest of the siblings, even Damian.

< _How long is this going to take? > _Steph demanded, her legs swinging freely, too short for the chair they had her seated in. < _I’m bored_! >

< _You didn’t have to come, > _Dick reminded her.

The look and feeling that that his siblings sent him on both the psychic and real planes were wordless, but very expressive.

 _< Alfred’s on his way!> _Tim reported.

Kaldur’s mental voice sounded wary. < _Will I regret asking who Alfred is? >_

 _< Alfred is… Alfred. No real other way to explain it,> _Dick said with a shrug.

There were vague feelings of apprehension permeating the psychic link.

< _Aren’t you guys going to yell at Dick for pretending Wally was cheating on him? > _Jason enquired from his position by Artemis’s feet.

< _That’s coming later, > _Conner said.

< _Awww, >_ Jason and Steph chorused.

< _I hate you all, > _Dick declared. < _Every last one of you._ >

Absolutely no one believed him.

< _There are **rules** , okay?> _Dick snapped, clearly feeling the judgement implied in the silence. Artemis and Babs looked at each other, and smirked. < _I’m sorry!_ >

< _I do not believe **we** are the ones you should apologize to,>_ Kaldur said, although his mental voice was less focused than usual, since Cass had recruited him to braid her hair.

< _Please don’t do that in front of us,_ > Roy interjected. < _That’s enough PDA for one day, thank you. >_

Dick and Wally stuck out their tongues in unison, proving themselves to be the mature and responsible superheroes that they were.

 _< No one’s noticed Batman missing_,> Babs reported, scrolling through new sites on her smartphone. < _Guess the gamble paid off_. >

Cass let out a humming feeling of contentment out through the link as Kaldur tied off the end of the first of her braids.

< _You’re lucky you’re cute_ ,> Babs said, but it was pretty clear she didn’t mind Cass borrowing her costume all that much.

 _< It was fun!> _Jason said. His hair was finally starting to dry, but he hadn’t had a comb, so it was drying at odd angles, making him look rather spiky. _< Too bad Bruce is going to ground us for life,>_ he added as a sulky afterthought.

Steph nudged him with her foot. < _Cheer up! At least you got to be Robin!_ >

< _Thought Batgirl was your ultimate goal, Steph,_ > Babs said. < _I’m hurt_. >

< _No reason I can’t be both! > _Steph protested. < _Besides, Cass has dibs! > _

< _Yep! Mine, > _Cass said.

< ** _Mine_** _, > _Babs corrected, although she didn’t hide her smile. < _Brat. See if I spar with you tomorrow. > _

The door to the police station swung open, revealing the large crowd of paparazzi that had gathered outside, eager to report on the kidnapping and rescue of Richard Grayson. The Wayne kids all ducked down, avoiding the flashes of cameras, while the rest of them froze, confused by the sudden onslaught of light and noise.

“There you all are,” an elderly man had slipped close while they were all blinded. He was tall, elegantly dressed, and had an accent so stereotypically British Artemis almost suspected it was fake.

“Alfred!” It was impossible to tell who had spoken and who had remained quiet.

“Well,” the man, Alfred apparently, said. “I think you’ve all had quite enough excitement for one day, wouldn’t you?”

“Is Bruce home yet?” Jason asked.

“He is on his way, I believe,” Alfred said. He glanced at the ragtag group of superheroes in battered looking school uniforms, and raised a single eyebrow. “Why don’t you all come along to the Manor then? I’m sure Master Bruce will want to speak with all of you.”

The psychic link wasn’t needed to convey the feeling of absolute dread that the Team shared.

“I’m just saying,” Roy whispered to Kaldur, even as Kaldur bent over to allow Cass to ride piggyback. “Mexico. We could totally make it.”

“Tt,” Damian snorted from his position in Alfred’s arms. “You wish.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: What was Lady Vic after? And the Batdad finally makes another appearance.


	33. Alfred Is Not Paid Enough for This

The silence in the living room was thick enough that Artemis probably couldn’t get through it with an arrow.

Alfred had provided them with food, which the kids were all snacking on contentedly, but the team was avoiding. They weren’t looking the link, but it was pretty obvious they all were feeling the same awful anticipation.

Artemis glanced at Babs, who seemed fairly relaxed compared to the rest of them. She was texting her dad.

Wally, meanwhile, looked on the verge of curling up into the fetal position and rocking back and forth at super speed. Dick, sitting next to him, was clearly trying to keep Wally calm by petting his hair. Dick was clearly siding with the team here over his siblings, looking distinctly Martian in coloring.

Kaldur was mentally making a list of every mistake on the mission, and was mentally despairing. Most of the mistakes on the list tended to include “letting the Bat children out of sight for a single moment”. Roy, sitting next to him, was doing a very good impression of a marble statute, his fingers wrapped very tightly around his quiver.

M’gann was fluttering, struggling to maintain her human form. She was carefully deconstructing cookie after cookie, which was frankly a crime given how good they tasted, but no one was really willing to call her out on it.

Conner, meanwhile, was thoroughly being charmed and distracted by Ace, the large dog, who seemed to have adopted Conner on the spot. Alfred, the small kitten, was already perched on his head, and Damian was already making plans to introduce Conner to “Batcow”. Artemis wasn’t sure if she believed that such a creature existed or not.

Cass, Steph, and Jason were playing cards on the floor. Artemis was relatively certain all of them were cheating. She’d definitely seen Cass stick an ace up her sleeve, and she was relatively certain Jason had stacked the deck.

Tim was deconstructing the devices he put together over the course of the mission. Already a small pile of electronics was surrounding him, encircling him entirely.

Artemis texted her mother, reassuring her that yes, everything was fine, and no, she wasn’t in trouble. She wasn’t really sure how to let her mother know “no I didn’t die but I got invited to a billionaire’s house because I figured out he’s a superhero, no I’m not sure if I’ll be home for dinner.”

Eventually, she gave up, and let Alfred talk to her mother.

Alfred walked away with her cell phone, and returned five minutes later with another cup of tea and more cookies, which Artemis ate eagerly. Artemis wondered if Alfred had known in advance that oatmeal chocolate chip were her favorites. She dismissed that thought as soon as she thought it. How would he know that?

Of course, as soon as Artemis had a mouthful of milk, was when Batman decided to make his dramatic entrance.

In full costume.

In the middle of the living room.

Artemis realized, in that moment, where exactly the children had picked up their dramatic tendencies, as well as their trolling abilities.

Artemis choked slightly on her milk. Babs dutifully patted her on her back until she recovered her breath.

M’gann was hovering slightly in midair. Conner was standing perfectly still, since any movement might dislodge the cat. Wally had vaulted the couch entirely.

Kaldur, however, put down the cup of tea, and stood up. “Batman,” he said politely.

“Aqualad,” the man scanned the room. Artemis wondered what he saw.

“ _Bruce_!” Suddenly Batman was buried in various small children. Cassandra got there first, which really wasn’t a surprise at all, latching herself on Batman’s right side. Jason tackled Batman from behind, latching on in a piggyback. Steph threw her arms right around Bruce’s neck and dangled there, while Damian managed to get Batman to pick him up. Tim, meanwhile, opted to simply hug Batman, wrapping his arms around Batman’s waist.

Artemis took another deep drink from her glass of milk in order to avoid to hide the fact that she wanted to smile.

Dick, meanwhile, remained exactly where he was, shielding Wally slightly from Batman’s gaze.

“Report,” Batman said, as if he wasn’t covered in middle schoolers and a toddler.

Kaldur straightened, and then proceeded to give a painfully accurate, if slightly simplified recollection of the day’s events. Before he was even a sentence in, however, the kids started to interrupt, filling in details that Kaldur had been unaware of.

Kaldur took the interruptions with amazing grace and dignity, although a careful observation of his eyebrow revealed several twitches and jumps that indicated all might not be exactly as it seemed, although he was far too professional to admit such in front of Batman.

Cass, having finally removed herself from Batman’s side, took Kaldur’s hand and smiled up at him. Kaldur relaxed slightly at that, although he still clearly was anxious about the whole situation.

Once the description got to the point of the abduction, Jason, Dick, and Cass took over fully.

At the end of the whole thing, Batman stood very, very still. Artemis thought the effect was surprisingly good, given that he hadn’t put Damian down.

“So,” he said, his voice dangerous. “You managed to take a minor situation—a simple, clean, hostage situation.”

Kaldur stiffened. “I would hardly call the situation, _simple_ , sir,” he said, voice strained.

“My apologies, Aqualad. I’m afraid I wasn’t talking to you and your team.”

The kids seemed to deflate as one.

“But _Bruce_ ,” Steph protested.

“The training is _perfectly clear_ ,” Batman said. “Lay low. Allow the situation to resolve. Do not involve yourselves in heroics, and do _not_ reveal your identity to anyone.”

All of them looked varying degrees of contrite, but there was also a smug satisfaction to them.

“But they needed help!” Tim protested.

Batman glanced at him. “We will discuss this—and all of your punishments— _later_.”

The kids all groaned.

“Team,” Batman said. “I will expect full reports on the errors you made by this weekend. I will then provide full feedback on what you should have done in this situation in the future.” He paused. “The situation was successfully resolved, and all of the hostages made it out alive. Well done.” He nodded to Alfred. “Alfred will take you to the Zeta in the Cave so you can transport home.”

“If I may, sir,” Alfred said. “I informed Paula Crock that Artemis would be staying for dinner, and I believe Commissioner Gordon is under the same impression.”

Batman paused. “Very well.” He nodded at Artemis and Barbara.

Dick, in the corner, buried his face in his hands. The other children exchanged subtle fist bumps and grins.

Artemis, very confused, observed all of this, and had no idea what to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter and the epilogue left! 
> 
> Coming up next: what was Lady Vic's endgame? And just how grounded are the kids?


	34. The Man Behind the Curtain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the truth is revealed, and there are some thoughts about the future.

Bruce Wayne watched as his children all carefully tried to avoid his gaze, instead trying to hide behind Artemis and Barbara in order to avoid the lecture they all knew was coming.

“Alfred,” he said. “Do you have the footage of Jason and Cass’s fight?”

“I do indeed, sir,” Alfred said. “I must say, they did a convincing job with the costumes. No one from the general public appears to be any wiser.”

“Good,” Bruce said. Barbara had taken control of the remote, and was overseeing the fight that was beginning about what show to watch. Celebrity Hockey appeared to be the winning show at the moment, but Cass hadn’t made up her mind yet.

Bruce turned on his heel and walked out of the room. As much as it pained him to let his children out of his sight after the day’s events, he had other things to take care of. They were safe here, he was sure of that.

“Did you watch the video?” Bruce asked, even though he knew the answer.

“Indeed, Master Bruce,” Alfred said.

“What did you think?” Bruce asked, descending into the Cave.

“Cassandra performed admirably, although I believe the costume was not to her taste. Jason did an excellent job as well.” He glanced at Bruce, and Bruce knew what the angle of Alfred’s eyebrows meant. “Sir, in my opinion, they did the best they could under the circumstances. You can’t protect them forever.”

“Can’t I?” Bruce mused, sitting down at his computer. He turned his head towards Alfred. “And when did my children decide they were going to adopt Artemis Crock?”

“I believe they have been planning it for some time, to be honest. I understand that Cassandra and Stephanie desire another sister.”

Bruce closed his eyes and took the deep, long suffering breath of a father figure whose gigantic mansion was starting to feel crowded.

Turning his attention back to the screen, he glanced at the case files waiting for him.

“I took the liberty of putting Lady Vic’s case on the top of your list, Master Bruce,” Alfred said mildly.

“Thank you Alfred,” Bruce said, staring at the picture of the woman.

“What do you believe she was after, sir?”

“I know exactly what she was after, Alfred,” Bruce said grimly. “I need to make a call.”

 Alfred inclined his head. “I’ll ensure there are no eavesdroppers, and prepare dinner then,” he said.

Bruce nodded, and took out his cell phone and dialed a number.

“ _Detective,_ ” the voice on the other end of the line was cool, polished, and educated. No matter what language it was speaking, it sounded like that. The man was incapable of sounding otherwise, Bruce was certain of it.

“Ra’s,” he said.

“ _Impressive, how quickly you put it all together_.”

“If you hadn’t wanted me to put it together, you wouldn’t have sent someone with a known history of working for you,” Bruce growled. “You stay _away_ from my children.”

“ _You took my heir, Detective_.” Ra’s voice was dangerous.

“I took _custody_ of my _son_ ,” Bruce said. “Talia has visitation. _You_ do not.”

“ _I will not be denied_. _Damian’s destiny lies here, with my empire_.”

“If you or yours even comes _close_ to my children again— _any of them_ —I will destroy you,” Bruce growled.

“ _A pretty threat,_ ” Ra’s mused. “ _Forgive me for doubting your ability to follow through, even though you continue to build your army._ ”

Bruce swallowed the denial. There was no point arguing it with Ra’s. He would always see the world the way he wanted to.

“Don’t come near them again,” he said instead. “And I’ll be informing Talia of this attempt.” He slammed the phone shut and took a deep breath.

“Uh, Mister Wayne?” Artemis appeared at the top of the stairs. The girl looked nervous and confused. “Alfred says it’s time for dinner.”

Bruce turned his eyes towards her. She looked exhausted and battered by the long day. She was nervous around him, which made sense.

He nodded. “Thank you, Artemis.” He paused. “From the initial reports, you did well today. You should be proud.”

Artemis blinked, surprised, then smiled at him, wide and honest in the way he hadn’t seen since she joined the team. “Thank you,” she said.

Bruce followed her up the stairs, and made a note to talk to Paula in the very near future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only the epilogue left! Holy shit guys! Thank you all for sticking with me for so long.


	35. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!
> 
> I can't believe this fic is over! It's been a labor of love for over five years, and it's DONE. Some of this epilogue has been written since the VERY BEGINNING. I hope you all enjoy!!! 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me; it's so great to experience this with all of you!

**Jason**

Jason was told that Bruce wanted to talk to him, and he was supposed to stay in his room until he arrived. But Alfred’s small smile gave Jason a vague hope that he wouldn’t be grounded until college.

Jason was flipping through the well-read copy of _Sherlock Holmes_ that Bruce had given him for Christmas when the door swung open, revealing a showered and slightly rested Bruce.

Bruce stood in front of him, arms folded, stance firm, and his best glare fixed on his second son. Jason clasped his own hands behind his back, and started his attempt to stare-down his father.

“So.” Bruce’s voice revealed nothing. “I come back to find out that you and the others had been taken hostage, and my covert team was sent to investiage. And _then,_ I’m told that after a brief sabatogue attempt, Dick was taken hostage, and the Team—and Batgirl—were locked away. But despite this, Batgirl and Robin rescued Dick Grayson.”

Jason stared at his shoes, still feeling the furious glare on him. He nodded once.

“You deliberately disobeyed orders, and initiated contact the super-hero community. Your actions cearly overstepped the boundaries and roles of a civilian. You threw yourself into a hostage situation, which could have easily gotten Dick killed. _And_ ,” Bruce’s voice became deadly. “You acted as Robin, endangering _all_ of our secret identities, and to make matters worse, you put yourself in grave danger.”

Jason opened his mouth to apologize, but found his throat as dry as paper.

“ _But_ ,” it was still the Batman voice, but there was a softness to it that Jason hadn’t heard since Bruce had found him four years ago in Crime Alley, with the second Batmobile wheel half-off. “You took effective precautions. You successfully mimicked Dick, came up with a good strategy on the spot, kept yourself and Cassandra safe, organized your siblings, and took command. And no one was hurt. You did well, Jason.”

Jason’s head snapped up, green eyes wide. “You mean it?”

“I mean it,” Bruce said. “And so I’ve made my decision. For the next three months, whenever Dick has a mission with the Team, you will accompany me as Robin. _If_ you prove yourself during that period, we will start discussing code names. Barbara is planning on joining the team, so the same arrangement can be made for Cassandra.”

Jason’s face was split by a huge smile, and he launched himself at his father, wrapping his arms tightly around Bruce. “I won’t let you down, Dad. I promise.”

Bruce froze slightly at the word ‘Dad’, but hugged him back. “I know you won’t, son.”

Jason’s smile grew impossibly larger at that, and the two remained there for a very long time.  

* * *

**Artemis**

Artemis wasn’t exactly sure when she had moved into the Manor. It hadn’t been official or anything. There hadn’t been documents signed, and nobody went out and said it. It was kind of gradual.

It started off when Robin had invited her to his place after a patrol through Gotham with him and Babs. Alfred had set up a room for her, (Dick swore it was a coincidence that the room had a dark green theme) and she had stayed the night.

After that, it had just escalated. One night became once a week. Once a week became weekends. Weekends became _any night we have patrol_. That became virtually every night.

Her mom had started coming too, taking pleasure in Alfred’s company and spending the long evenings in the Batcave with the old butler, waiting for the people they loved to return home.

And slowly but surely, Paula and Artemis started thinking of the Manor as home, just as the Batchildren had planned.

The first sign that they had been fully adopted into the family came from Cass, one night at dinner.

“Cass, can you pass me the salt please?” Bruce asked, looking up from Alfred’s delicious meal.

“Sure, Batdad,” Cass said cheerfully, handing Bruce the shaker. Everyone exchanged looks.

“Batdad?” Bruce repeated, taking the salt.

Cass nodded in agreement, beaming.

Paula, Alfred, and Bruce all exchanged looks, and returned to their food. However, Cass wasn’t done.

“Aunt Paula?” Cass said, swallowing her mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Paula Nguyen’s eyebrows shot up at her new title, and she, Alfred, and Bruce exchanged _another_ look. “Yes Cass?”

“Help me with training tonight?” Cass asked, smiling. Paula had _also_ been trained by the Shadows, after all.

Paula smiled tentatively. “I’d love to,” she said, cutting herself another piece of meat.

A week later, after training, Artemis had been tackled by Steph and Cass, who declared her the “coolest big sister _ever_.”

And while she had to admit, having six ridiculously awesome younger siblings was wonderful (especially if one compared it to her prior experience with siblings), there were always a few road bumps.

For example…

“Crock!” Damian demanded, shaking her arm. “Crock!”

“Mmmph,” Artemis rolled over, opening a grey eye just a slit. “Damian, it’s two in the morning.” And she had just returned home an hour ago, she didn’t need to add.

In the dim light, she could see Damian looked embarrassed. Artemis forced herself to sit up, stifling a yawn, and looked at him. “What’s wrong, Little D?”

Damian scuffed his feet on the carpet. “I… had a bad dream,” he admitted.

Artemis wanted to bury her face in her pillow. This was why Dick should _not_ be allowed to go to “Guy’s Night at Mount Justice”. It meant _she_ took over Damian’s “responsible sibling” duties.

“Okay then,” she said, laying back down, and resisting the urge to bury her face in her pillow. “Come on kid.”

A small, shy, smile appeared on Damian’s face, and the smallest Wayne clambered under her covers, wrapping his arms around her.

Artemis hugged Damian closely. “Don’t worry Little D,” she muttered, stroking his hair. “I’ve got you.”

She closed her eyes, and did her best to go to sleep again.

“…Artemis?” Damian said after a little bit.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

* * *

 

**Miss Martian**

“Wally, I’m so sorry!” M’gann blubbered, pulling the fastest boy alive into a tight hug. “I’m _so_ sorry, I should have trusted you, I should have known you would never cheat on Robin, I should have _known_!”

Wally awkwardly tried to pat her on the back and ignore the glare Superboy was giving him. “It’s fine, M’gann, really…”

“But I should have _realized_. I mean, _hello Megan_ , it was so _obvious_ , and I’m such a horrible person, I should have known better than to judge by appearances, and I should have had more faith in you!”

“No one else figured it out either,” Wally tried to rationalize with the Martian who was crushing him. “Really, it’s okay…” He threw a desperate look to Conner, hoping his friend would rescue him. The amused clone simply shook his head and resumed the conversation he was having with Robin.

Robin wasn’t going to help him anytime soon either. He was laughing, and avoiding Wally’s eyes.

Brilliant.

“Artemis did,” M’gann said, squeezing him tighter, sobbing. “And I should have known better! I should have recognized Robin’s mind…”

“M’gann, it’s fine. _Really_. Now, can you please stop crushing me?”

“Oops!” M’gann let him go, wide eyes horrified. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Wally sighed. “It’s all okay.”

* * *

 

**Superboy**

“It’s good to see you Clark!” Steph said, bouncing down the hallway, trailing Clark Kent. “I’m _so_ glad you made up with Bruce. I mean, I thought you two were going to stay mad at each other _forever_.”

Clark smiled at her. “Well, I’m glad to be here.” He avoided the questioning look in her eyes, which demanded to know why he had been fighting with Bruce.

Steph escorted him into a small sitting room, and the Man of Steel froze. Superboy was sitting on the couch in the room, staring at him and Steph with wide, shocked eyes.

“Now Clark,” Steph said, cheer replaced with a businesslike, authoritative voice. “You can spend half-an-hour getting to know Conner… or I call Timmy, and he releases the photos of the Cupcake Incident to the entire world.

Clark stared at her, horrified. “You’re lying. Bruce destroyed all evidence of that… event.”

Steph’s smile was absolutely terrifying. “He _thought_ he had. We rescued some evidence.”

“You’re bluffing,” he accused, staring at her.

She stood to the side, leaving the doorway wide open. “So leave!” She smiled widely. “But can you _really_ risk it?”

Clark and Conner looked at each other. Slowly, awkwardly, Clark sat on the couch.

Steph smiled. “Good. We’ll be watching.” She left with a flourish, shutting the door behind her.

The two Kryptonians sat next to each other in total silence for over a minute. The tension seemed to suffocate Clark. This was _awful_.

 He swallowed, and broke the silence. “So… Conner, huh?”

“ _Finally_ ,” Jason groused, down in the Batcave.

“Good job Steph,” Artemis told her fellow blonde. “You beat Superman.”

“Lex Luther, eat your heart out!” Steph cheered.

_Later_

“So… do you think we should tell them they’ve been talking for hours?” Dick asked, looking on as Conner smiled at something Clark said.

“Nah, let them figure it out,” Jason said, running his fingers over the length of his new cape.

* * *

 

**Kaldur**

“Robin, I understand that your siblings are enthusiastic about being allowed in the Cave, but I do believe that prior warning might be necessary.”

“Yeah, Kaldur,” Robin said, grinning. “I understand.”

Kaldur surveyed the chaos that filled Mount Justice, sighing. Jason was in the kitchen with M’gann, his feet dangling off the counter, and his mouth full of cookies as he chatted animatedly with the Martian.

Conner and Damian were playing with Wolf and Titus, trying to teach them to play tug-of-war.

Billy and Tim were sprawled out on the floor, legs in the air as they played checkers. Billy was losing badly, but it didn’t seem to bother the World’s Mightiest Mortal in the slightest. The two sixth graders cheerfully grinned at each other.

Artemis had armed Cass and Steph with bows and arrows, and was teaching them archery. The three of them cheerfully fired off arrows at holographic targets, Artemis giving out advice as she went, occasionally pausing them to correct their postures or grips.

“Does Batman even know they’re here this time?” Kaldur asked Robin, wincing as Steph fired off an explosive arrow that she had gotten her hands on, apparently without Artemis’s knowledge or permission judging from the shocked yell.

“Umm…”

“Wally, please stop distracting Dick while I am trying to talk to him.”

The speedster grumbled, but pulled away reluctantly.

“Thank you.”

“Kaldur!” Steph called, “Get over here! We’re having another ‘My Dad’s a Super-Villain and/or a Super-Assassin’s Anonymous’ Meeting!”

Kaldur sighed. “Coming,” he called, going to join the three girls who were sitting cross-legged on the ground, waiting for him.

“I’ll start this time,” Artemis said. “I’m Artemis. My dad’s Sportsmaster. My last contact with him was when he tried to blackmail me into joining him last week. I will not be like him when I grow up. Who’s next?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Me!” Steph said, waving her hand in the air. “I’m Steph. My dad’s Cluemaster. Last time I saw him, he was being dragged to Arkham. I will not be like him when I grow up.”

“I’m Cass. My father is David Cain. I am not going to be like him.”

“Good job Cass,” Artemis said, smiling. “Kaldur?”

“I am Kaldur’ahm,” Kaldur said. “I am the newest member. I recently learned that my father is Black Manta. I last saw him three days ago, when he revealed this to me. I will not be like him.”

“Good job!” Steph said, grinning at him. “You’ll get the hang of this soon!”

“What is the next step?” Kaldur asked.

“Ice cream,” Cass said with a smile.

Kaldur blinked, and reconsidered this whole thing. Maybe this had not been such a bad idea after all.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Minor Situation (Podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5466206) by [blackrider11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrider11/pseuds/blackrider11), [Hinn_Raven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinn_Raven/pseuds/Hinn_Raven)




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